


Call It Magic

by cherrylng



Category: British Singers RPF, Coldplay (Band), Florence + the Machine, Muse (Band), Radiohead (Band)
Genre: 1930s, Abuse, Alternate Universe - 1930s, Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Historical, Fantasy, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hot Chocolate, Humor, Insomnia, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic, Music from the 1930s, Physical Abuse, Scars, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5976706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrylng/pseuds/cherrylng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day while the circus is in town, a young man in his early twenties arrives at the Wolstenholme & Co Travelling Circus. Carrying a slightly battered suitcase and a guitar case, it doesn’t take long for someone to notice him. And a new life ahead for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little story. Three weeks ago I had this silly idea in my mind based on a music video and decided to write it as a oneshot, thinking I'll be done with it and have another story churned out quickly. Cue to now, with the story having reached over 19K and I am still filling the gaps up. And this is no longer a oneshot as much as it is more likely to be a mini-series. Go me.

When a train stops at Exeter St Davids station, its carriages painted in bright colours depicting exotic animals and humans of bizarre physical features or extraordinary abilities, it doesn’t take long for them to set up at a nearby large field and draw people in to buy tickets to see Wolstenholme & Co’s travelling circus.  
  
One day while the circus is in town, a young man in his early twenties approaches a group huddled around the campfire having their supper. Carrying a slightly battered suitcase and a guitar case, and dressed in clothes that easily denotes him as coming from a working class background, it doesn’t take long for someone to notice him.  
  
“We got a newcomer over there,” a woman who is standing and is in direct sight of the young man from within the group calls out.  
  
“Wolstenholme, you see the boy?”  
  
A fairly muscular man wearing a red jacket sitting next to a small woman rises up from his seat and comes towards the young man with the suitcase and guitar case.  
  
“Circus is closed for the evening now, sir. Unless you’re looking to work for Wolstenholme & Co? Got a name to introduce yourself?”  
  
The young man nods.  
  
“My name’s Christopher Martin,” he introduces himself, holding his hand out.  
  
When he hears laughing from the group of people by the campfire and that they’re pointing their fingers at him, the young man is confused. Wolstenholme has an amused look on his face.  
  
“The name’s Christopher Wolstenholme, ringmaster and owner of this circus at your service,” Christopher greets back in a loud and confident manner, grinning ear to ear as he grips the young man's hand firmly and shakes it.  
  
“Oh, uh, just call me Chris instead, sir,” Chris stammers.  
  
“Are you alright with that?” Chris nods. “Alright then, let's go to my caravan and discuss matters.”  
  
The young man, now known as Chris Martin, follows Christopher towards a caravan.  
  
“So where do you hail from, Martin? And how old are you?” Christopher asks once he closes the door behind him and sits down on a chair. He gestures at Chris to do the same.  
  
“I just turned twenty-one a few days ago. I come from the village of Whitestone, four miles from the city of Exeter,” Chris quickly answers after taking a seat.  
  
“Why do you want to work in a circus? We don’t really have any slots unless you have something worth bringing to the audience to see.”  
  
“I can play the guitar and piano. But aside from that, I don’t have anything to show, really. I was actually a sheep farmer,” Chris says honestly. “I got sick of tending and shearing sheep, and when I saw your circus in the city, I saw the chance to be able to leave Exeter behind me.”  
  
“You sure you haven't done something that I shouldn't know? Sounds awfully convenient of you to just up and leave like that,” Christopher jokes, but maintains an eye-to-eye level at the ex-sheep farmer to be sure.  
  
“No, sir. I am an honest man that just wanted to leave a stationary life behind and no one can complain about my love for music.”  
  
Christopher nods, seeing that Chris is honest and upfront towards him, and lets out an affirmative sound. “That’s good enough to hear for me then. Let’s go back out and I’ll introduce to you the folks that work around here. Welcome to Wolstenholme & Co, Mr Martin. Oh. And don’t call me by ‘sir’, just Christopher or my surname is fine. We look about the same age anyways.”  
  
“Yes si-- Mr Wolstenholme,” Chris almost staggers as he corrects himself.  
  
“Hopefully, we might even see if it isn’t your bad playing that got others to shut you up,” Christopher snickers.  
  
When they returned to the campfire, Christopher introduced to the group their newly hired man.  
  
“Looks like some of them have retired off to rest early,” Christopher says, noting a few missing people there. “But I’ll make the introductions to whoever is left around here.”  
  
“Jonny’s our strong man. He could explode your head like a watermelon between his thighs,” Christopher points to a muscle-bound man who greets them by tipping the flat cap on his head.  
  
“Florence and Isabella cooks for us all. Be careful not to insult their cooking though. Florence is a sword swallower, but she also knows how to use her swords and those blades are very sharp. And Isabella is our sharpshooter who can shoot a cigarette off your mouth from where she’s standing.”  
  
“Got it,” Chris says, nodding firmly and taking that advice to heart.  
  
The introduction to the rest was fairly quick work.  
  
Thomas Kirk, comedian and clown.  
  
Guy Berryman, the animal keeper and lion tamer.  
  
William Champion, the carpenter.  
  
Phil Harvey and Lily Allen, master equestrians.  
  
Colin and Jonny Greenwood, brothers and self-declared extraordinary trapeze artists.  
  
“And that’s about it,” Christopher says, after introducing to Chris the performers, workers, and some of their wives. “It’s pretty late by now, but I’m sure you’ll get to meet the rest of them on the coming days.”  
  
“So when do I start working, Mr Wolstenholme?” Chris asks once introductions have been made.  
  
“Well, Martin, you can start work tomorrow once I find our resident magician—“  
  
“Christopher!”  
  
“--coming towards us right now,” Christopher finishes as a large rotund man that appears to be in his late middle age and greying thin hair approaches them.  
  
The magician’s main attention is mostly on the ringmaster as he speaks.  
  
“What is this nonsense that I have been informed of? I have told you, _insisted_ to you, that I cannot do this because I have other commitments—“  
  
The rotund man’s eyes then strays away to see Chris, finally noticing the young man next to Christopher. He frowns in confusion. “Who is this, Christopher?”  
  
“He is Chris Martin, who just got hired today and I’ve been trying to figure out on which slot should I put him in, Marvin,” Christopher explains. “I was trying to find if there are any jobs that are available for him to work for in our circus.”  
  
There is a tight smile on Christopher’s face when he says that, though Chris has no idea why.  
  
The magician then turns to face Chris, suddenly having a polite smile on his face and acting cordial.  
  
“Nice to meet you, young man. My name is Marvin Winthrop, also known as the ‘Marvin the Marvellous’,” the magician introduces himself.  
  
“Pleased to meet you, sir,” Chris says, accepting his hand and shaking it.  
  
“So you’ve just arrived today and looking to see what you want to work as? Well, it is of fortunate timing that I have arrived here, as I have a vacancy for an assistant to work for me, if you’re willing to take the offer.”  
  
Chris gives a mental shrug. Someone just put a job on his lap, so who is he to ignore it? A job is a job as long as the orders are clear and doesn’t demand what he cannot do alone.  
  
“I look forward to working with you, Mr Winthrop,” Chris says, accepting the offer.  
  
"Good! If you need to ask me anything, my tent is right there,” Marvin points at a tent that looks very large for one man to live in. Next to it is another tent, albeit smaller.  
  
And then Chris’ eyes settled down on a small, brunette-haired man, who is looking out from the smaller tent from a distance away from the campfire. The brunette looks at him with what Chris guesses to be curiosity. Chris stares back at the brunette.  
  
“That man over the tent there is my assistant, Matthew,” Marvin says jovially when he sees where Chris is looking, but his grip on Chris’ shoulder tightens. He leans towards Chris’ ear and whispers, “If you touch him or even look at him the wrong way, I won’t hesitate to have you off my stage and off my sight. Understood?”  
  
“Yes, sir,” Chris nods, immediately looking away from Marvin’s assistant, whom he now knows his name as Matthew. Not knowing why Marvin warns him about his assistant, he can only obey. He doesn’t want trouble in less than a couple of hours since he arrived here.  
  
Matthew stares at him for a while longer before simply returns back to the tent, the flaps closing back in its place.

\-----

  
Chris collapses down on a bench, his legs feel like jelly. It's been a few days and he feels sore from the muscle to the bone from lifting and carrying crates and other heavy items back and forth. He’s been thinking that he had the worst timing in choosing to pack up everything that he owns and joining the circus the day before they themselves are packing up to leave Exeter behind to travel East.  
  
Still, he has left Devon behind him and he has a job within the day that he arrived here, which are the only good things that joining the circus has been so far.  
  
The stew and bread that Florence has made for supper actually smells so appetising that he is tempted to eat it down to the last drop and crumb, even if it lacks some salt to taste. Christopher’s warning of not to say anything bad about their cooking is the only reason why he is eating a stew lacking in flavour. He’s also too new around here to be able to say anything about what he is given to eat.  
  
Chris almost spilled his bowl when someone smacks his back and sits down right next to him.  
  
“I am eating!” he hisses, turning to see a fairly attractive blond who is amused by his reaction.  
  
“Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you,” the blond laughs. “You’re the new one, right? Christopher Martin?”  
  
“That’s me alright,” Chris grumbles.  
  
“We already have another Christopher. Can I call you Chris instead?” the blond gives him a charming smile that to observant individuals who noticed it, it easily breaks down any hostilities and gain some trust to him.  
  
Chris shrugs. “Sure. I prefer it that way actually.”  
  
“Name’s Dominic Howard. Call me Dom, that’s what everyone calls me here. I’m basically Christopher’s right hand man,” Dom holds his hand out and Chris uses his less dirty hand to shake hands with the charming blond. “So how did you start out?”  
  
“What?” Chris pauses from taking a bite of the bread.  
  
“I said, how did you start out?” Dom asks. “I usually do this to get to know any newcomers better. Makes you get better familiarised by people around you.”  
  
Chris tells his story to Dom, keeping it short and straight to the point. “I was born and raised up in Whitestone, a village about four miles away from the city. Not much to say about it other than that my parents died when I was fifteen. It was smallpox.”  
  
“Ah, sorry to hear that,” Dom nods in understanding and is appropriately sombre. “So what happened after that?”  
  
“I was taken in and lived with my aunt and uncle in their farm, and did some odd jobs here and there for a few years in the village. But mainly I was a sheep farmer. I got sick of it and wanted to travel around.”  
  
“So when we arrived, you saw your chance to see the world,” Dom smirks.  
  
“That’s basically my story so far,” Chris says. “What about you?”  
  
“I was born in a family that has ten children in Manchester. I was the eighth one, not really that special within the family. Never liked it either. I planned to stow away on a train to London at thirteen, but took the wrong train and ended up meeting Christopher and his father by my mistake. But they took me in, fed and clothed me, and I work for the Wolstenholmes in return. No one from my family has searched for me since I stowed onto the circus train,” Dom chuckles after such a long explanation. “Best accident that’s ever happened to me and that’s my life’s story told to you.”  
  
Throughout the story that Dom tells to him, Chris stares at him in disbelief at both his life story and the length of it told to him. It is without a doubt that either Dom has a hell of an interesting life so far or he is a very good storyteller.  
  
Dom allows Chris to eat a bit more before he asks him another question.  
  
“So what are you going to work as with us? I can tell you’re more than just some sheep farmer if you’re willing to leave that job behind you.”  
  
“I’m working as Mr Winthrop’s assistant and errand boy,” Chris answers.  
  
Hearing that, Dom’s face darkens into disgust. Not at Chris, fortunately, but rather at the mention of the magician’s name.  
  
“You don’t like Mr Winthrop?” Chris asks, perplexed at the sudden mood change.  
  
“I don’t like him, alright. He’s a right bastard,” Dom sneers at the mere thought and mention of Marvin Winthrop. “Some people before you either quit or disappeared at wherever we stop to perform because of his temper. They were pretty good people too, so I have a good reason to react like that.”  
  
“Should I be worried that he picked me to work for him?” Chris asks, concerned. It seems as though a lot of people pitied and feel sorry for him to be picked by the magician to be his errand boy when they found out, so to speak. Now Dom gives him an actual reason why they have reacted like that.  
  
“Stay behaved and do your job well, and you might be at his good side,” Dom answers. “If not, find me or Wolstenholme and I’ll help you find another position that you can do.”  
  
Chris says nothing although he nods, unsure of what else to say from Dom’s outburst at his dislike of Marvin. He hasn’t had that much time to think about what Marvin is like to him. All he knows so far is that Marvin has a bit of a temper, he’d given him a role to do, and the strict order to stay away from this Matthew.  
  
Dom stands up and pats his shoulder.  
  
“Eat up and rest well, Martin. Tomorrow we’ll have to unpack and set up the tents and caravans, and the field that we’re going to is about a couple of miles away from the station.”  
  
Chris almost groans into his bowl of stew.  
  
“Welcome to the circus!” Dom says cheerfully.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter is up! Yay! Be warned though, first impressions are not exactly accurate of an individual.

Working in a travelling circus is not easy work, but manageable. It doesn’t take long for Chris to learn the ropes and become as efficient as any of the crew whose job is to set everything up. He has his routine down to a fine tune.  
  
Wake up.  
  
Have a quick breakfast.  
  
Help out the others in setting the tents up and the caravans secured.  
  
Feed the doves and clean their pens.  
  
Have a quick and hearty lunch.  
  
Set up the props for Mr Winthrop’s stage with Will, the resident carpenter and engineer.  
  
Clean and prepare Mr Winthrop and Mr Bellamy’s stage clothes.  
  
Avoid eye contact with Mr Bellamy.  
  
Assist Mr Winthrop and Mr Bellamy in their shows behind the scenes.  
  
Try to cause as few mistakes as possible to avoid having Mr Winthrop’s temper aimed at him.  
  
Clean up the stage and put the props back into storage after the show.  
  
Supper.  
  
Bath.  
  
Sleep.  
  
Rinse and repeat for the next day.  
  
This is Chris Martin’s schedule for the first four months working as Marvin Winthrop’s assistant and helping around as a pair of extra hands in the circus. It’s not a fabulous job, but it earns him pay, gives him routine, and keeps him preoccupied.  
  
On the not so bright side of things, four months is more than enough time for Chris to observe how Matthew is around Marvin and how the old magician treats his personal assistant.  
  
In the four months of working in the circus, his time of seeing Matthew is few and far between. Chris doesn’t see much of Matthew outside of his own private, albeit smaller, tent next to Marvin’s. Matthew eats his meals either by himself or with Marvin, their food coming from another source. The only times that he does is when Marvin is performing and the few times that Chris spotted Matthew going into an outhouse to do his business.  
  
From most of what Chris can observe of him, Matthew is quiet and unassuming. They don’t talk to each other besides for work. If anything, it is as though the brunette doesn’t want any attention on him.  
  
There were times when he can hear yelling from the private tent, mostly coming from Marvin. Often, Matthew is mute and submissive, barely defending himself. Chris has never heard Matthew yell back at Marvin even once.  
  
Sometimes Marvin’s words holds its merit as critique. Most of the time, it’s to point out what Matthew did wrong or how he couldn’t do this and that because he didn’t follow what the magician did. It wasn't good enough. It was sloppy. He shouldn’t be the one to do this or that and he still did it to have upset the magician.  
  
Those harsh words made Chris feel sorry for Matthew for whatever he did, because so far he’s seen that Matthew is doing fine in his role. Matthew never fights back.  
  
Some would say that Chris isn’t paid enough to be concerned of how his employer treats him and those around him. Well, he isn’t paid enough to care about what people’s opinions of what he thinks either. So he let himself continue to be curious about the mysterious and quiet Matthew Bellamy.  
  
\-----  
  
Guy Berryman is equally as friendly and social as Dom is, and quickly becomes what Chris can say is his first friend that he made in the circus within the first week that he started working. They’re already on first name basis after a month.  
  
The first thing that Chris learns of him is that the man loves animals.  
  
Growing up in Scotland, when Guy went to an exhibition saw the exotic animals that came from Africa as a young boy, he simultaneously fell in love and found a passion for life. Said passion is the main reason how and why he ended up working with Wolstenholme & Co as an animal keeper.  
  
Although there are a couple of men working alongside with Guy to feed and maintain hygiene, it boggles Chris’ mind on how just one man is capable of caring for all of the animals in the circus. They each have names and Guy recognises each of them.  
  
“So, Chris. What’s your impression with working in the circus so far?” Guy asks one day while Chris is helping the Scotsman out to feed the animals in his free time.  
  
“I love it. Everyone’s really nice and I get to travel while working,” Chris says. “I feel sorry for Matthew whenever Mr Winthrop yells at him.”  
  
“I understand the sentiments,” Guy nods.  
  
“Guy, I want to ask. How long has Matthew been in Wolstenholme & Co?” Chris asks out of curiosity.  
  
“Ah, he’s been around for almost a decade with the circus. He’s just a year younger than you if I remember his age correctly,” Guy answers while feeding the elephants a combination of tropical fruits and hay. “I wouldn’t want to be near Bellamy, though. He is trouble waiting to pounce on you if you get what I mean.”  
  
“What do you mean by that?” Chris raises an eyebrow.  
  
“Oh, just that any man or woman that has ever worked with Marvin doesn’t last long in the job,” Guy says it in a matter-of-fact kind of manner. “They either get fired, quit, or just outright disappear whenever we stop somewhere. Shortest stay that I’ve ever seen was this Irish lad that only lasted three months before he’s gone like the wind.”  
  
“I can only pray that I can last longer,” Chris says it jokingly. Mentally, it’s a whole different matter.  
  
Chris has heard from Dom the first time he met him of how Marvin keeps replacing assistants like underwear, but Guy’s words are just as worrying. If not more so.  
  
“Best that you do it,” Guy says seriously. “I have my suspicions that it has something to do with Marvin’s assistant. The young man has caused a large turnover of people who works with Marvin, and that old man has a hell of a temper already.”  
  
“Have you ever crossed Mr Winthrop before, Guy?” Chris asks, wondering whether if the Scotsman had encountered the magician before to have such an impression.  
  
“Luckily, I so far haven’t. For me, it’s not worth the effort to challenge Marvin,” Guy shrugs. “I have my animals to care for, and approaching Marvin for even a chat is the last thing that I ever want to do.”  
  
Chris pretends to not be affected by what Guy said. Still, it doesn’t hurt to have some precautions in place. Not getting near Matthew does hold its point, but it reminds to Chris as to how children could ostracised a kid that they don’t like. It seems like a lonely world for Matthew to live in.  
  
\-----  
  
“Martin!”  
  
“Yes, Mr Winthrop?” Chris quickly stands to attention and away from the prop he was setting up for tonight when the magician approaches him. Apparently tonight involves the wheel.  
  
“Matthew needs an assistant for an upcoming show while I’m gone. I need you to be that assistant.”  
  
Chris almost drops the hammer in his hand.  
  
“Really, Mr Winthrop?” Chris looks at Marvin in shock, unable to believe what he’d just heard.  
  
“I have a meeting in a gentleman’s club that I am a member of that day, so thus I am unable to perform for tonight,” Marvin explains, not missing a beat in his flair. “I trust that you’ve seen and learned a lot under my wing. So in a few days you will be part of his little show.” When Marvin said the last word, there’s a disgusted grimace on his face.  
  
Chris says nothing but he nods.  
  
As he is about to leave and meet Matthew, Marvin puts his hand down on Chris’ shoulder forcefully. In a low threatening tone, he says, “Remember what I told you before, Martin.”  
  
“Of course, sir.”  
  
With that, he scurries off to wherever Matthew should be at this time of the day, somewhere he can do his practicing. Whatever Matthew is planning to do as his first show as a magician, Chris no clue for what it is. Neither does he know where exactly Matthew is.  
  
Having trouble trying to find where the brunette is, Chris spots Florence and approaches her with a question.  
  
“Florence, have you seen Matthew? I’ve been told that he’s outside here somewhere.”  
  
Florence can’t verbally answer to Chris, as she has a sword down her throat currently. But she does point Chris to the direction where she last saw Matthew went to, and Chris thanks her and continues on his way.  
  
It doesn’t take long until Chris finds where the brunette is. When he approaches Matthew at a small grassy area, he spots the brunette practicing with throwing knives to a wooden pallet. He throws a few before he turns and sees Chris, and he smiles at him.  
  
“Oh, there you are, Chris! I was wondering when you’ll be here!” he exclaims cheerfully.  
  
Chris stops.  
  
“You know my name?” Chris asks, mind-boggled. In the months of working in the circus with Marvin, he’s never seen Marvin’s assistant being this… animated.  
  
“I’ve heard your name thrown about for the past few months. ‘Chris’ and ‘Martin’. I’m not oblivious to my surroundings, you know,” Matthew points out. “So you’re here to help me out, right?”  
  
“Uh, yes. I’ve been told to be your assistant for your show.”  
  
“Good. It’s important to have you around,” Matthew nods. “Can’t do a good show without assistance to make it so.”  
  
Matthew walks towards the wooden pallet and pulls the knives off of it.  
  
“What are you doing?” Chris asks the obvious.  
  
“Throwing these knives to the wheel you might be tied to.”  
  
What.  
  
Chris stares at the knives on Matthew’s hand with unease, suddenly doubting whether if he wants to work as an assistant or not.  
  
“I’m just practicing throwing these for fun. But don’t worry about it. I’m not going to actually _throw_ these at you. Too dangerous for my first performance. The props will do the job,” Matthew explains after noticing Chris’ unease of the blades.  
  
There’s relief on Chris’ face upon hearing that. There’s also something else that he’d noticed ever since Chris found him here.  
  
“Is something the matter to you?” Matthew enquires. “You better speak up right now.”  
  
Chris is quiet at first, not sure if Matthew won’t bite him back for his words before he finally picks up the courage to speak.  
  
“You seem excited by what you’re doing,” Chris comments. “I’ve never seen you like this before.”  
  
At this, Matthew’s face flushes.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. I just… I finally have my chance to do my first acts on stage as a magician rather than an assistant! Why wouldn’t I be excited with this opportunity?!” Matthew says with enthusiasm. “We should start working together right now to make sure that we’re ready for the show!”  
  
Chris can only nod in response, seeing that it’s better to start working now rather than get overwhelmed by what he is experiencing at the moment.  
  
From the moment that Matthew started talking to him, it struck to Chris that this is the first time since he arrived to the circus that he is looking at Matthew _and_ getting to truly know him first-hand. And everything that he has heard of what Matthew is like has shattered all rumours and perceptions of the brunette.  
  
If this is what he is actually like rather than what Chris saw in the last four months, what else has his and everyone else’s perceptions been incorrect so far?  
  
“Well, are you going to start practicing with me or just stand there?” Matthew stares at him. Prompted, Chris goes to do whatever it is that he and Matthew must practice through.  
  
For the first time in the four months that Chris has been working in the circus, he has a proper impression of Matthew. This time around, he will have actual knowledge of what Matthew is like to him. And he knows that Marvin isn’t around today to see the performance. _Knowing_ that Marvin is not here to see it is what probably made him feel dreadful about disobeying the man in regards to ignore Matthew.  
  
\-----  
  
Chris looks at himself on a mirror. Although he isn’t dressed like Matthew is with sequins and bright colours to grab attention, he has to admit that his choice of attire as an assistant doesn’t look half bad. White shirt, black vest and trousers, and a red sash tied around his waist. A fitting look of a respectable assistant to a magician.  
  
He is probably meant to be dressed up in a muted fashion, since Matthew is the star of the attention for the crowds tonight. Then again, given that Matthew has been an assistant to Marvin for years, the attention that he’d been given is something that he is used to.  
  
When Chris walks into Matt’s dressing room, to meet up with him, he almost didn’t recognise him. It wasn’t the all-white suit that doesn’t make him look anything like a magician, but his hair. His dark hair, instead of being gelled and combed to have a neat and respected look, is gelled up and pulled up into literal spikes.  
  
“How do I look?” Matthew turns to Chris when he spots him from the mirror that he was looking at.  
  
“Shocking,” is the only word that fits the description that Chris can say.  
  
“Good. The audience will be shocked tonight,” Matthew jokes.  
  
 _They certainly will_ , Chris thinks.  
  
As they wait for their show to start soon, Chris keeps his hands behind his back, not wanting to show how he is fidgeting. Unfortunately, that move was useless as there were other methods his body shows signs of discomfort. Such example is him biting his lips until Matthew sees it.  
  
“Are you nervous?” Matthew asks.  
  
Caught, Chris nods.  
  
“I’m used to just helping out in the background. It’s my first time to be on the stage,” he confesses.  
  
Matthew pats his shoulder sympathetically.  
  
“Don’t focus too much about what other people are thinking when you’re at their attention and then eventually, you’ll be at the end of the show and bowing to the audience,” Matthew advises.  
  
Before he knows it, they got the signal and they’re on the stage, greeting the audience who are here to see a show.  
  
Despite the confidence that he displayed to Chris earlier, Matthew doesn’t speak out much to the audience due to shyness. But for what he lacks for not being a social butterfly, he makes up for it with tricks and moves that shocks the crowd into awe.  
  
People are quickly mesmerised by how Matthew moves about, even into where the audience are sitting. One little boy squealed in delight when he ‘pulled’ a shilling out of the little boy’s ear, and then the shilling in his hand turns into a dozen shillings. The little boy and his mother were equally ecstatic when Matthew tells them that it’s all theirs to keep.  
  
While Matthew is under the spotlight and attention of the audience, Chris observes him.  
Chris has seen how Marvin performed before. He’s good, always been good at what he does, so he tends to fall back to the flair that he has that feels like a fixture and habit to most of them. With Matthew, with his spiked hair and his own approach towards the audience, it appears as something new and refreshing. A young face with a lot of talent and charisma to show.  
  
Then comes to the last part for the show, the knife throwing act. Chris is tied onto the wheel with the assistance of a worker, and he is staring straight at Matthew once he’s up. The worst of it all is that being tied to a wheel, he cannot look away at Matthew at all. It’s probably also a bad idea to look away or else it will show how scared he is to be tied up and having knives thrown at him.  
  
Then the limelight shines down on Matthew and Chris can barely see his face, but he swears that Matthew is looking at him intently.  
  
Matthew smirks at the assistant once, somebody (might be Will) spins the wheel, and he throws the knives towards him. In reality, the real knives slip out of Matthew’s hands while the prepared ones hidden behind the wheel just pops out of its hiding place, never touching Chris in the first place. Chris still flinches whenever a knife ‘hits’ the board.  
  
Suddenly, it’s all over. The audience are clapping, and Matthew is bowing to the audience while Will is untying Chris’ wrists and ankles. And they’re back in the dressing room.  
  
Although Matthew is proud and happy for the first success of his show, he sobers up and looks at Chris.  
  
“You did well tonight, Chris,” he complimented.  
  
“You’re welcome. Feel a bit dizzy though after being on the wheel.” He doesn’t want to mention that despite the last act being a ruse, it still scared the hell out of him when the knives pop out from their hiding spots.  
  
“You look alright there. Don’t try and get yourself overwhelmed. A great magician always needs a competent assistant by their side,” Matthew winks, patting his shoulder. “Maybe with this success, we can have another show to do again.”  
  
Chris can only nod, the lights and his head spinning leaving him unable to say anything much further.  
  
His eyes mainly focus its sight to Matthew, with his still spiky hair and white suit. The lights couldn’t have tricked him at seeing the black and blue on Matthew, and it certainly weren’t about his hair and eyes that he is describing.  
  
\-----  
  
Chris stares down intensely at the three metal cups on the table. He opens the one in the middle, to be sure that the white ball is underneath it before he closes it back down to shuffle the cups around.  
  
Once done, he opens the cup in the middle, this time to see that the white ball is obviously no longer there. He opens the two other cups by the sides, showing similar results. The ball is nowhere to be seen.  
  
Now comes the tricky part of doing this step to achieve to the next one.  
  
Chris takes the two metal cups and stacks it on top of the middle cup. He lifts the stacked cups up, shows his imaginary audience what happens next, and puts the stacked cups down to the table with a loud ‘bang’.  
  
Deep breaths. Okay, now, the moment of truth.  
  
He peeks open the stacked metal cups and is relieved to see the white ball under it to confirm that he got all the steps right.  
  
One thing that Chris has learned about how magicians perform their magic is that it’s not magic at all, but rather a combination of clever props, enthralling words, and a lot of daring to astonish people.  
  
It’s a slow step-by-step process of letting Matthew have his own acts as a budding magician, one who has been under the wings and tutelage of Marvin the Marvellous. The good news that he’d heard so far is that Winthrop has approved of allowing Matthew to perform again, and is scheduling up a few dates that will happen again.  
  
A budding magician needs a competent assistant by their side, as Matthew have said to him before. As he is picked by Marvin himself to be the assistant for Matthew and Matthew trusts him to be competent, Chris wants to be sure that he will not make the brunette be disappointed by him by learning how to perform the tricks behind a magic act.  
  
Chris is going to be the assistant that will work to high standards and never disappoint Matthew.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third chapter is here! I gotta say, this one was a lot harder to polish up for its own reasons. Studying about cosmetics that existed in that era makes for some tweaks here and there to make it accurate.

Jonny Buckland is one of the strongest man that Chris has ever met. He can lift and carry more times the weight than the average man is capable of in the circus. He can split logs in half using only his bare hands. And he can, indeed, crush a watermelon between his thighs, as he had showed this move in front of Chris to show to him that his strength and muscles are very much real.  
  
Jonny is also surprisingly intelligent for someone working in a circus, as it turned out that he once studied in the sleepy spires of Oxford and its esteemed colleges before financial difficulties led him to work with Wolstenholme & Co. His vocabulary is wide and he speaks eloquently. He writes poetry. He reads of subjects ranging from science and history to philosophy and theology.  
  
Conversing with him with such subjects are so detailed that at times, Chris struggles to keep up and understand him from what education that he got before he left school at sixteen.  
  
The strongman is understandable in Chris’ struggles, so during the times when the circus is travelling in the train for the next destination or Chris isn’t called by Marvin to do his errands, he teaches Chris with the books that he has in hand.  
  
Currently, Jonny is explaining to him about science and how it correlates with the magic tricks that Marvin and Matthew uses. Seeing how excited and determined Chris is to be taking a more active role to help as Matthew’s personal assistant, it was partly on necessity to teach Chris on how those acts work on a more logical and scientific appearance.  
  
“Is that how Maskelyne does his levitation magic?” Chris says, starry-eyed like an eager to learn student.  
  
Jonny nods, smiling. No one said he was smart without having figured out how great magicians can perform their greatest acts with his keen observation skills, knowledge with how it works, and as a strongman rather than a magician, he isn’t bind down by an oath to keep his knowledge as a secret.  
  
Besides, having Chris as his student is what makes teaching him to be satisfying.  
  
As Jonny continues explaining about other types of performance that are considered as a magic performance, Chris interrupts him.  
  
“What time is it?” Chris asks, since he knows that Jonny owns a pocket watch.  
  
“About a quarter to three,” Jonny says after a brief check on his watch. “Why did you ask?”  
  
“Mr Winthrop has told me to expect a crate of wine that he’s ordered to arrive around three today, so I can’t stay here for long,” Chris answers. He makes a face, not liking that his lessons with Jonny are going to end soon because of this errand. “How is it that Mr Winthrop can afford the luxuries like French wine and luxury foods that you can only buy from those fancy department stores in London? And he can even afford to buy stuff and share his food with Matthew?”  
  
“Because Marvin owns fifty-five percent of the circus company’s profits,” Jonny says, his demeanour now changed. “That is why he can afford the luxuries that you have been delivering to his tent.”  
  
Chris blinks.  
  
“What? How can he own so much from the circus?! More than what Mr Wolstenholme earns?” Chris exclaims, shocked to hear of the magician’s earnings.  
  
Jonny sighs and explains it to Chris.  
  
“He did it when Wolstenholme senior was at his deathbed. Made him change his will until it ended up with what you’re seeing today. Christopher could’ve had twenty-five percent of the profits and his name to the company from what was left for him in his father’s will after Winthrop’s tampering, but he chose to take twenty instead. Even then, he spreads his earnings out to us, following the positive work ethics that his father left on him.”  
  
Chris stares at Jonny, astonished at this information and then he squints his eyes at the strongman.  
  
“Wait-- How do you know all of this?” Chris asks, sceptical. Jonny may be smart, but this information is something else.  
  
“I help out with Kelly in bookkeeping,” Jonny answers nonchalantly. “Since I’m good with numbers and being the most educated one here, that also means that I read up on contracts and any important papers, even the will that was most likely tampered by Marvin. The amount that he receives from that fifty-five percent is more than any of us will ever earn in a year.”  
  
“So this is why Christopher and Kelly always eat their meals with us,” Chris says, the revelation now making sense to him.  
  
Jonny nods. “It’s why Christopher and his wife and child has to live in a gypsy caravan while Winthrop gets a large private tent and all the luxuries that he can afford. The reason I am telling you this is to help you understand why there’s barely even a few who likes Winthrop around here.”  
  
“Is that why Matthew stays with Mr Winthrop in the first place? For his wealth?” Chris asks.  
  
“I can’t say for sure. I don’t trust the rumour mills that are around here,” Jonny shrugs. “He probably has his own reasons. I don’t have anything against him because I know very little about him. In fact, I don’t think many of us know what he’s like. I know more of the personalities of the lions that Guy cares for than I know about Matthew.”  
  
Jonny continues. “But, if you do want to know someone here who knows more about Matthew, you should go and see Dom. He can tell you what I can’t answer. By the way, it’s about five minutes to three, Chris.”  
  
“Shit, the crate might arrive by now. Thanks for today’s lessons!”  
  
Jonny shakes his head with an amused grin as Chris all but rushes out of the tent. Tutoring Chris is over for the day.

\-----

  
The show is about to start in half an hour when someone passed him a message informing him that Matthew has requested for him to come to his tent. Knowing that Marvin doesn’t like tardiness, and that Matthew being late is unusual in his manner, Chris goes to find Matthew.  
  
Chris stands at the entrance to Matthew’s tent, silently looking around as though expecting that Winthrop would jump out from somewhere to catch him for even daring to come towards where Matthew lives. He isn’t even sure if this is some prank that his co-workers have set up or a genuine request by the brunette. Unfortunately, he has come this far already, so he might as well find out which one will it be.  
  
He rings the bells.  
  
“Matthew? Did you call for me?” Chris calls out. “You need help in there?”  
  
“Yes, come in,” came a quiet reply from Matthew that allows him to enter his abode.  
  
When Chris enters, he takes a look around. Almost at the centre of the tent, there’s a queen sized bed with many pillows for just one person sleeping on it. Around the area of the bed there are various furniture that makes this tent a mobile home. Various rugs covered the ground underneath it. A wardrobe to store clothes. There are a few chests positioned around, one of them that is opened for him to see it dedicated to storing books in it.  
  
Then he looks at Matthew by the dressing table and stops, shocked at what he is seeing.  
  
“Do you know how to do makeup?” Matthew says that as his greeting. Chris shakes his head blankly. “It’s alright, it’s just some foundation, face powder, and eyeliner. You can do the first two since that won’t be too hard to do it. My hands are shaking too hard to be able to calm down to do it in time.”  
  
So here Chris is, sitting down right across Matthew, gently applying oil and emollient-based foundation that emulates different skin colours in order to hide black and blue on Matthew’s face.  
  
Matthew is deadly silent, his eyes on Chris yet his gaze appears as though it is going through the man.  
  
“Got a story to tell?” Chris asks as he finishes on the cosmetic and switches to the next one, breaking the suffocating silence and the soul-piercing gaze. “Your life before you worked in the circus.”  
  
“Why do you ask for it?” Matthew doesn’t even move when Chris accidentally presses down the sponge a bit too hard while applying the face powder, although his eyes squeezed shut and his cheeks twitched.  
  
“Just about everyone told me their life story, except for Mr Winthrop and you. You’re the really mysterious one,” Chris explains, carefully applying the fine powder and avoiding causing any pain on Matthew’s face. “I can tell you my life story before you tell me yours.”  
  
“Okay, fair exchange,” Matthew says. “Start telling.”  
  
So Chris tells his story to Matthew, of his childhood and his parents, and of his life growing up in Devon working in a sheep farm. For some reason, Matthew likes hearing him talk about the sheep, even asking about how working with sheep is like, smiling as though it’s the first highlight of his day.  
  
When Chris finishes his story, he is just about done with applying the powder on Matthew’s face. The bruises are no longer visible on the surface. Matthew takes it from here with applying eyeliner, his hands no longer shaking.  
  
“Now that I’ve said my story, it’s your turn. Fair exchange,” Chris says.  
  
Matthew turns to the mirror to draw a lines on his upper and lower eyelids with an eye pencil, but he starts talking.  
  
“I was a runaway at the age of twelve. My mother passed away giving birth to me. My father became a drunkard. A sorry excuse to be called a father to me,” Matthew says, spitting the word ‘father’ out like venom.  
  
“Where did you grow up in?” Chris asks, quickly changing the subject.  
  
Although not an expert, Chris is familiar with the knowledge of how some individuals are when it comes to talking about their parents. Sometimes they speak of them with love and fondness; sometimes in regret and disappointment; sometimes in hatred and cursing them for being horrible people that couldn’t treat their children well, and Matthew is one of the latter towards his father.  
  
“I grew up in Cambridge. I miss that place. It may be a city of where the elite send their boys to colleges but it’s very lovely to be there at any season of the year.” There is a small smile on Matthew’s face, but the twinkling in his eyes tells Chris that his smile is genuine, just like when he talked about the sheep.  
  
“And that’s it. I don’t have that much else for nice memories to say about my childhood,” Matthew finishes his brief story.  
  
Now comes that moment when Chris wishes that his curiosity was not stronger than his will when his mouth blurts out this.  
  
“Di… Did Mr Winthrop did this to you? The bruises?” Chris hesitates.  
  
“Who else would’ve done it?” Matthew’s body shakes in mirth, as though being asked that question is a funny one rather than shocking. Chris doesn’t find it funny, and probably neither does Matthew. “I could say that I tripped and fell, but you wouldn’t believe me now since I just told you the obvious answer.”  
  
Chris shudders his breath.  
  
“He is hurting you,” he whispers, worry in his eyes.  
  
“No surprises there. We both know how he treats you too, Chris,” Matthew replies back.  
  
“But he does this to you every day! With his words and his hands! You have the bruises that show it,” Chris says harshly.  
  
“Not every day is bad, it’s just some days like this is when it is worse than others,” Matthew mumbles.  
  
“It's not okay. No one deserves to be treated this way,” Chris looks at him with concern and hurt. “You don't deserve this, Matthew.”  
  
Matthew can only give him a pained smile as he stands up, thanks him quietly for his assistance, and leaves the dressing room and Chris behind. The show must go on.  
  
As Matthew disappears out of the tent, Chris follows him moments later, silent. As the performance goes into play, watching Matthew smile like the conversation between them never happened, his thoughts are all on what the brunette has said to him, uncomfortable of seeing how Matthew is like this and how there seems to be nothing to be done about it.

\-----

  
Following Jonny’s advice and after seeing the bruises on Matthew, Chris goes to Dom with questions. Getting Dom to talk to him about Marvin and Matthew is surprisingly easy, given that he seems to be the one who is very antagonistic towards the magician and surprisingly sympathetic to Matthew.  
  
“Why can’t Mr Wolstenholme fire him for what he’d done?” Chris asks once he explains to Dom at what he saw on the previous night.  
  
Dom crosses his arms, exhaling air through his nose before he answers.  
  
“Christopher can’t fire him because his hands are tied, figuratively speaking. The old fart is one of the founding people of the circus, according to both him and Christopher’s father. Christopher may be the leader, but Winthrop’s the one who bosses us around. Privilege and all that bull. The other problem is that even if we _do_ fire him, it’s not that easy to find another magician as well as Marvin in their skills to take his place when he can no longer do this.  
  
“However, there is only one silver lining in that if he _does_ leave, he can’t find a job elsewhere because of his age and how he spends his money,” Dom smirks at this only consolation. “Marvin may be an arse and throws money around like he’s blue blooded, but he has enough sense to see that he can’t destroy his own livelihood as everyone else’s.”  
  
“Why does Matthew stay with him if he does…?” Chris moves his hands around, unable to articulate the right words to describe what he saw.  
  
Dom gives Chris a sympathetic smile.  
  
“Matthew is doing this not because of his money, but because he is stubborn.” At Chris’ confusion, Dom explains. “He does this because in his words, he wants to protect us from Marvin. He’s seen what happens to those who pissed Marvin off. You’ve seen the bruises already.”  
  
Chris grimaces.  
  
“Mr Winthrop fires anyone that he doesn’t like or they run away because they can’t stand working with him. Guy told me about this, and that Matthew is involved in it,” Chris mentions.  
  
“And they’re not spared by Marvin’s wrath, which doesn’t stop at just the things he probably says about you behind your back,” Dom sighs, rubbing his forehead. He has a steady gaze on Chris. “You’re standing on a ripe opportunity to get close to Matthew, Chris. Be his friend, the kind that is there when he needs you the most, not one who aggravates and worsens the situation. Much like I did.”  
  
Chris turns to Dom, noticing what Dom has said.  
  
“It sounds as if you’ve been good friends with Matthew before,” Chris notes, observing that Dom has more connection to Matthew than he realised.  
  
“It’s almost a long time ago,” Dom says, his smile looking sad. “I don’t know whether or not he still sees me as his friend after all these years. I still see him as one, just can’t do anything anymore like anyone else.”  
  
“Have you tried help him out of it before?”  
  
“I tried, once,” Dom says, chuckling bitterly. “And Matt doesn’t dare to be near me since then when Winthrop discovered my involvement. He doesn’t even want the knowledge of Marvin hurting him to be known even back then.”  
  
Chris couldn’t hide the shock of seeing the scars on Dom’s arms when the blond pulls up the long sleeves of his shirt up. The scars are old and reminiscent of ones caused by burns. Dom is not offended at what Chris saw. Instead he shrugged.  
  
“Was that old bastard the one who did this to me? Yes a hundred times over. Do I regret what I’ve done? Hell no,” Dom huffs. “I would do it again if it means bringing Matt out of that wall that he made.”  
  
Dom leaves some topics unsaid, and Chris doesn’t pry any further.  
  
“Winthrop is an asshole, a drunk, and possessive. If he were gone, no one would miss him. If he is, we’ll just celebrate and have a party,” Dom says.  
  
Chris is not exactly shocked by Dom’s statement. The blond is the only one who outright says what he thinks, never hiding it behind double meanings when he thinks some things are meant to be frankly told out loud.  
  
Still, it doesn’t feel right to let Matthew keep going the way he is. Just resigned and expecting as though things will never change for him. He desires to at least do something for Matthew, to be there for him when bad things happen to him. To be the friend that is needed, as Dom said.


	4. Chapter 4

“Is this going to work? I can see the steps, but the risks are there, nonetheless.”  
  
“It’s doable, but we’ll need someone to be able to fit into the box for this act no matter what.”  
  
“So why me instead of you? You’re smaller.”  
  
“Because we’re going to shock the audience. Me cutting a large guy like you up.”  
  
“As long as there’s space for me to squeeze my body, that’s fine by me.”  
  
“Or we might have to slice a large chunk of your body off.”  
  
“Well, as long as it’s not the part where my important bits are.” That elicits an amused chuckle from Matthew.  
  
Chris has said nothing of what he saw the last time he was with Matthew those few months ago, and neither did Matthew. It is to a silent agreement that they both should ignore it if neither of them wants to talk about it, and instead concentrate on what Matthew plans for his upcoming performance.  
  
Matthew wants new ideas and new acts to try rather than the ones that they usually do. Most of what they perform is a carbon copy of how Marvin performs. Matthew has been tiring with the repetitive acts that when a new one is thought out after doing some reading and researching on it, he is animated and determined to make it happen. So much that he came out of his tent on his own volition in order to do so.  
  
Will the carpenter doesn’t care of what Matthew wants him to do as long as he is given concrete requests and he can draw up the schematics. It makes Will a happy carpenter too because new ideas means new props to create and test on rather than repair and maintain the old ones.  
  
“What are you doing here, Matthew?”  
  
Matthew freezes.  
  
Chris turns to the entrance, seeing Marvin standing there with his walking cane. They were so concentrated in their project that they never noticed him entering Will’s workshop.  
  
“I said, what are you doing here, Matthew?” Marvin asks again.  
  
“I’m just testing out on a new act that I want to introduce on my next show,” Matthew explains to the old magician, struggling keep his voice audible and clear. “It’s based on the one that Selbit did. I’m doing improved version to make it look more realistic in effect.”  
  
There is a noise that Marvin that sounds like a cross between being amused and unimpressed. How that is possible, only someone like the old magician can do it.  
  
“Matthew, do you know who I am?” he asks.  
  
“You’re Marvin the Marvellous,” Matthew gulps, not looking up at Marvin.  
  
“Indeed, I am,” Marvin’s chest puffs up like bird. “I didn’t earn that moniker for nothing. And I am one of those that amateurs and professionals would flock to see. You were already under the apprenticeship of one of the best.”  
  
Matthew stays silent.  
  
“I taught you the ones that can easily impress the crowd,” Marvin scoffs. “Stick to what you already know, Matthew. The people come to see the same thing, get awed over, and clap. That’s it. Don’t bother with anything new. It’s all the same old tricks at the end of the day.”  
  
Chris feels helpless in this situation that he is caught in. He didn’t know what to do without making the problem worse until the one man who has been silent in the background finally intervenes.  
  
“Winthrop, I’ve said before that no one is allowed into my workshop without an appointment,” Will cuts in, glaring at the old magician and holding a hammer in a menacing way. “You aren’t on the list for today, so I suggest you leave right now _or else_.”  
  
Will’s words holds its effects, as Marvin leaves the workshop after saying such a cold and harsh comment to Matthew. Once he is gone, Dom appears from the entrance. He seems to have caught what Marvin had done in the workshop as he glares at where the old magician went to first before turning to look at Matthew and Chris in concern.  
  
 _Is he alright?_ Dom mouths at Chris.  
  
Chris turns to Matthew, seeing him with his head down, his hands shaking.  
  
“Matthew, are you okay?” Chris murmurs, concerned. Time spent with the brunette has given him the clues of when Matthew is not feeling well, especially now after what Marvin said.  
  
“It’s always the same,” Matthew whispers venomously. “It’s always the same tricks that we’ve done for years! I hated that he kept me like that, locked up in his gilded cage and leash on me like a songbird to make me sing the same songs over and over! I’m not his legacy of continuing the same old tricks!” Matthew hisses. The spark behind those blue eyes that Chris thought were extinguished have returned in a fire of fury.  
  
The few people that do know of Matthew’s actual personality are few and far between. Dom is one of them, alongside with Chris. To see him so angered after such an insulting criticism is something that Chris has never been through before. Even Will is shocked, as he is probably in the same shoes as Chris is.  
  
Then, Matthew’s anger just deflates right in front of them all.  
  
“I just want to do something new. Is that bad?” Matthew asks, mostly to himself, once he sobered up from his outbreak.  
  
Marvin’s snide comments has put the whole workshop in a soured mood. Matthew looks especially depressed, and doing things half-heartedly. Looking around, it doesn’t take long for Chris to take action before the tension can become worse. So he goes to his table and picks a small wooden box up.  
  
Months of saving up and searching the stores during the circus’ travels has finally gotten him to buy something that has become a prized possession for him: a Victrola-model phonograph. Granted, it is bought from a pawn shop and it doesn’t have a fancy large horn like its higher end model siblings, but it is still working and portable - two things that matters to Chris when his life is constantly one on the move and he loves to wind up the machine and put his favourite records to listen to.  
  
And there is just one record that might work.  
  
When the music starts, Matthew looks up to see… Chris dancing?  
  
“What are you doing?” Matthew asks, perplexed at what his assistant is doing.  
  
The taller man grins. “Why, I am going to _shout, shout, shout for happiness_!”  
  
And Chris launches himself into the song.  
  
The people in the workshop are then treated to a show as Chris sings and dances around the workshop, putting in his best for the impromptu performance. His singing voice is pleasant to hear, although his dancing is not as much dancing as it is just jumping, spinning, and twisting around. But it works either way to elevate the mood into that of amusement and enjoyment.  
  
“Well, well, well, who do I see right in front of me but Dom Howard and his brilliant smile!” Chris says, mimicking what Al Bowlly has said in the song. And Dom does smile, showing his teeth.  
  
Then Chris twists around with his arms held out wide.  
  
“Hey guys you’re all looking well. I’m full of spirits too! No, I didn’t say whiskey!” That elicits chuckles around the workshop.  
  
Chris spins and stops at Will, pointing his finger at him.  
  
“Come on Will, tell me what makes you feel for happiness, huh? You got to go and see the cricket cup finals?” Will nods, grinning.  
  
Then, in Chris’ anticipation, he hears peals of laughter from someone that he has been dying to hear from. When he turns to look at Matthew, he can see tears of joy on the corner of his eyes. Matthew has the most delightful laughter that Chris has ever heard.  
  
That is when Chris finally turns towards Matthew with a smile of his own.  
  
“Oh, I can see right in your eyes that you’re just dying to make the crowd go wild over what you’re gonna do. Well, come on, let’s do it!”  
  
And Matthew actually does it after the song ends, his energy and enthusiasm now back at the forefront and his anger and depression all but gone.  
  
The song is sadly a very short one in Chris’ opinion, but it always works in its way to make people laugh and smile when it is played. Doubly so when Chris performs it himself.  
  
After that little performance, the workshop has an unusually high and joyous mood. Will is whistling to the tune of the song while working. Dom smiles and gives Chris a thumbs up before leaving, after seeing that the situation was dealt with nicely. All the while Chris is concentrated on his work alongside the carpenter, he didn’t notice the looks thrown at him by Matthew.

\-----

  
Tonight after the show Matthew and Chris are riding high on adrenaline. Or rather, Matthew is riding high on adrenaline. And they deserved that feeling as they have succeeded in doing a performance using a new act that they have been experimenting on. The one that Matthew thought up of doing.  
  
It had taken them weeks of practice, following and coordinating the complicated sets using what Will has built, to finally done it in a raging success to a crowd. Everything went right and Chris’ head is not decapitated.  
  
Most of all, it proved that Marvin was wrong, even if the old magician was not present for the show. It was probably better off that way as whenever he does appear, he doesn’t have nice things to say to them after the show.  
  
“They love it!” Matthew shouts, laughing and whooping like a mad man. “I want to add it into my next shows! We can be better than Houdini!”  
  
Chris would’ve corrected Matthew that Houdini is more of an escapologist than a magician and that the new act wasn’t even related to what the famous magician did, but he lets that slide. It’s more of Matthew or Jonny’s fortitude to correct _him_. He has seen Matthew with a smile on his face after a show, but it’s rare to see Matthew being this happy and proud of his acts, as Chris has observed. The fact that Marvin was absent was just a bonus cherry on top of the iced cake.  
  
It was Chris’ distraction by a happy and energetic brunette that he didn’t know what happened until Matthew’s hands are on his vest, pulling him down and his lips are on Chris’.  
  
It is shocking enough that Matthew is kissing him, but what is more shocking to Chris is that he is kissing back. Eagerly so. His hands are on the brunette’s shoulders to keep themselves steady on their feet. Matthew bites and nibbles on his bottom lip, and Chris opens his mouth to allow the brunette entry.  
  
He can taste something rich and heavy and sweet, reminding him of chocolate and likely to be the main ingredient in the dessert that Matthew had. On the other hand, Chris had beef and potato stew for supper, which is not as pleasant as chocolate, but it didn’t deter Matthew. In fact, this causes the brunette to pull himself closer towards him, their tongues touching each other more passionately.  
  
The sound that Matthew elicits out as moan is what breaks Chris out of the state he was in. Horrified at what he is doing with the brunette right now and the consequences that might fall on them, Chris pulls away.  
  
Matthew looks at him in a daze, looking as though he is wondering why he has stopped the kiss so suddenly.  
  
“I—I’m so sorry!” Chris stammers, his feet already moving him out of the tent.  
  
If he heard Matthew calling him, the blood rushing to his head might have made him deaf to his ears to be unable to hear it. He’d never walked so fast out of something.  
  
He is shocked and guilty by what he’d done. But most of all, his shock and guilt lies in the fact that he is still lusting to kiss Matthew, to push him against a hard surface to continue that snog, to have his senses overwhelmed by everything about Matthew.  
  
Chris could barely take a wink of sleep that night.

\-----

  
Chris didn’t dare talk or look at Matthew in the eye for the next three weeks, avoiding him as much as humanly possible in the circus other than during work when he is needed. So it is as though they’re back to before Marvin allowed Matthew to become a magician in his own right, only Chris is actively avoiding the brunette.  
  
He doesn’t want to admit to himself that he didn’t want that kiss, that moment they were in, to stop. The thoughts of wanting to do more of what they have done had crossed his mind several times. His body is nothing but traitorous, making him feel hot and bothered. His mind is even worse, veering to directions that makes him think about Matthew.  
  
Chris doesn’t know what God would think, as he doesn’t know what He would think of such actions that they have done. People? Chris _knows_ what people would think of it, especially if Marvin had been there and caught them red-handed. He wouldn’t be fired as much as knowing that whatever fate he’ll end up in will be worse than death.  
  
The three weeks does, however, put Marvin in a light mood. He has not been heard yelling at Matthew, which is good on Chris’ book. The pats that he gives on Chris’ back or shoulder is more of a job well done than subtle threats, and the slight raise in his wages by three pounds makes the magician downright generous.  
  
It feels like a cruel trick that only few would find funny to put Chris into.  
  
It took three weeks to have them back to normal, back to before that ki-- _incident_ happened. How this happened is that Matthew had to catch Chris unawares at the dove pens to be able to talk about what he’d done to the taller man.  
  
Which meant that Chris was not even aware that Matthew was already there near by the dove pens when he arrived to clean it up, and got the shock of his life when a hand is on his shoulder.  
  
“Holy shit, you scared me!” Chris swears, almost letting the doves in his hands loose from that fright.  
  
“I came here to talk to you,” Matthew says, looking at him intently while sitting on a wooden crate.  
  
“I’m busy right now,” Chris says dismissively, holding the doves up for Matthew to see.  
  
“There’s only about five pens for the ten doves that the circus has,” Matthew points out.  
  
“Cleaning their homes up is not as easy as it looks, and it is dirty work. You can see me once I’m done with this,” Chris tries to explain, wanting to have Matthew to not be here.  
  
“But I’m here right now and have been intending to see you. I have a lot of free time and I don’t know where else to go,” Matthew says, pouting.  
  
Chris says nothing, finding no other ways to retort the brunette. Not with the look that Matthew is throwing at him.  
  
“I can help you with the clean-up while I talk,” Matthew adds helpfully.  
  
Chris grimaces, his lips in a firm line before he caves in.  
  
“Help me hold the doves while I clean their pens up.”  
  
There’s a victorious grin on Matthew’s face even as he holds the white doves in his hands.  
  
There isn’t much talking as Chris cleans up the first pen, wiping off the filth in and around it before putting in new hay in it.  
  
After what feels like a long time, Matthew clears his throat to get his attention.  
  
“Chris, just let me say this, okay? It needs to be said anyways or you’ll keep avoiding me like some leper,” Matthew says.  
  
“You don't have leprosy,” Chris points out.  
  
“I’m using that as an example.”  
  
Chris sighs.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
He puts the rag down on the bucket and crosses his arms together, looking intently at Matthew who is still holding the doves.  
  
“Chris, look. I’m sorry that I kissed you. I was so excited about the success of that show because we proved Marvin wrong in his words that I allowed my emotions to take over,” Matthew apologises. “I didn’t know you would be so shocked by it that you avoided me these past few weeks.”  
  
Chris’ faces softens, feeling bad that he never thought about how his subsequent choice to avoid Matthew has hurt him.  
  
“Well, I forgive you,” Chris replies, patting Matthew’s shoulder. “And I have to apologise too, since I was in the same situation as you were. So you’re not at fault in my books.”  
  
Matthew brightens up, nodding enthusiastically. “Apology accepted. It won’t happen again. We’re professionals, aren’t we?”  
  
“Yeah,” Chris agrees.  
  
Then awkward silence.  
  
“So…” Matthew says.  
  
“So,” Chris mimics.  
  
“You know that I need an assistant,” Matthew quickly says. “I can’t demonstrate some cool magic tricks without someone willing to be doing it with me.”  
  
“I know. Without me, you would be a mediocre magician,” Chris says.  
  
“You hurt my heart, Chris!” Matthew gasps, dramatically gripping his chest with his hands. However, because he still has the doves in his hands, it looks more like he is holding the birds to his chest. “I didn’t know that you can be so sarcastic.”  
  
“Now you do,” Chris throws him a side glance and a smirk.  
  
And then they go back to silence. Matthew takes the next couple of doves as Chris cleans their pen. Now that they have their issues sorted out, it feels weird to… well, to not talk. They haven’t been normal around each other for three weeks, what is there to talk about to compensate for that?  
  
"I used to race pigeons before,” Chris blurts out.  
  
“You did?” Matthew asks. “I thought you just look after sheep and busk in the streets.”  
  
“It was a short term occupation that I was in before I did busking. I was taught by a veteran in my village who was in the Great War on how to do it.”  
  
“What was it like?” Matthew’s interest to know his past has perked up.  
  
“It was hard work, but fun. I owned half a dozen of them at my most, until my aunt caught me and demanded me to cease those activities and release them,” Chris grimaces. “She says that gambling is a sin. But I was more into training the pigeons than making and betting money out of the venture.”  
  
“Your aunt doesn’t sound like the kind of person to spend time with.”  
  
“She isn’t,” Chris concedes.  
  
“Did the pigeons have names, though?” Matthew smirks. And Chris tells them each of their names and the conversation snowballs from there.  
  
When Matthew later has to leave the dove pens while Chris finishes cleaning it up, Chris has never been much happier and feeling lighter, as though the weight on his shoulders from the past few weeks have been lifted off after talking to Matthew.  
  
The brunette was right in having them to talk this out. Far better than keeping quiet and avoiding each other for the past few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Chris sang and performed was called Shout for Happiness. Made by Ray Noble and sung by Al Bowlly in this version.
> 
> Fact: Marvin's surname, Winthrop, was originally taken from a place name meaning "WINE's village" in Old English.


	5. Chapter 5

Chris winces in pain as someone pulls at the strap on his left arm, feeling each strap being tight on his limbs to keep him steady on the wheel. He watches as Matthew shows the five knives that he is holding in his hands to the audience before Matthew’s eyes are on his, waiting for a signal of some sort from his end.

It’s different from their usual routine. It _feels_ different, but Chris can’t figure out why.

With a small nod, the wheel starts turning, and Matthew throws the first knife towards him. When the knife actually struck to the wheel, that is when Chris realises in horror of why.

This is real, not like the usual that they do. Matthew is actually throwing the knives towards him on the wheel.

One by one, the knives struck around the spinning wheel, some never close to his body and some just a few inches to his limbs or body. Each throw was took time to take, as though Matthew is taking time and being careful to make sure that each knife will not hit him.

He wants to scream, yet his mouth doesn't even let out even a whimper.

Then it is down to one knife in Matthew’s hand. Chris can see the tension in the air, on Matthew’s face, and even on himself.

A moment later, Matthew throws the knife.

And then something sharp hits his chest.

At first, he didn’t feel anything, not even pain, but at the same time he can feel his chest throbbing so hard. Then Chris looks down, and he sees blood. Blood seeping out of his chest and onto his white shirt from where the knife struck him. He looks at it in horror and realisation that the knife has hit where his heart is.

He doesn’t know whether if Matthew came towards him in shock or if the audience are horrified at his fatal wound, he couldn’t registered his surroundings because everything went black after seeing the knife on his chest...

And then Chris wakes up in cold sweat, panting, feeling his heart beating fast and hard.

 

\-----

  
Guy sits down next to Chris during a lunch break, noticing the bags under Chris’ eyes and tired look among other things.

“Had a bad night?” Guy inquires. “You don’t usually take your tea without milk there, Chris. And it’s only noon.”

“Had a nightmare,” Chris groans, rubbing his face.

“What was it?”

Chris sighs before he starts. “It was during a show where Matthew was performing that night. I was on the wheel. It was a knife-throwing act, but it involves knives actually getting thrown towards me on the wheel rather than the ones we usually use.”

“And something bad happened, didn’t it?” Guy surmises.

Chris nods. “It scared me to see the knives coming towards me. It was the last knife that Matthew threw struck me right where my heart is. I saw blood coming out of the wound. Everything went black before I woke up. I thought I died.”

Guy winces.

“That sounds fucking awful for a nightmare,” he says.

“It is,” Chris replies. “It’s a good thing that it seems like Mr Winthrop doesn’t need a performance tonight. Fucking knackered.”

“Lucky you,” Guy pats his shoulder. “We’re in London, at least. It’s your first time here, so there’s lots of places for you to visit around. Take advantage of it.”

Chris shrugs, taking a bite at the savoury pork pastry and thinking of what to do with his day off as he is chewing his food down. Then Chris notices something from the distance, finishes his lunch and tea, and stands up.

“Where are you going, Chris?” Guy calls out as he walks away.

“Planning my day off,” he replies, keeping his eyes on what caught his attention. Something interesting is going on, and he is curious.

 

\-----

  
Marvin is having a good day. He doesn’t have to perform today, as his schedule has pointed out. Matthew has already know that, so he need not bother to inform that young man twice. No need to have Matthew bother him on a meeting.

An old acquaintance has come to see him in the circus and he pulls out one of his good bottles of whiskey. It wasn’t long when he and his acquaintance have decided to vacate his place in favour of somewhere with men of their prestige, the Savile Club.

Marvin laughs loudly at the joke that his friend is telling him, knowing that with his mood this light, he is bound to have a good day out. He tells his friend that he is certain to stay on in the club overnight if the revelries are as good as his friend is telling to him.

They get on the car and his friend drives them off to the city of London. All the while, they didn’t noticed the young man who has been following them from a distance that is far away from their sights but still near enough for the young man to eavesdrop on their conversation.

 

\-----

  
Once he’s sure that the old magician is gone and can no longer see the car, Chris rushes towards Matthew’s tent. He stops to brush off any imaginative dust off his body and tidy himself the best that he can before he rings the bell to get Matthew’s attention.

When Matthew pops his head out between the flaps, there’s a disinterested look on his face and a flat ‘what’ coming out from his lips.

“Matthew, do you want to… want to come join with us outside? I mean, with me—I mean, I got a day off just like you, and it’s my first time in London. So I was wondering if you are interested in visiting the city with me?” Chris asks, hesitating. The memory of that ki--incident still fresh on their minds.

Matthew stays silent, still looking disinterested at Chris’ offer.

“I overheard Mr Winthrop this afternoon,” Chris blurts out, pulling out his trump card a little too hastily. “He said that he’s going to the city to be with some old friends there to some gentleman’s club called Savile Club. I saw him leave the grounds in a car.”

“...When did he say he will be back?” Matthew asks, an eyebrow raised.

“Tomorrow afternoon. Heard every word that he’d said,” Chris smiles, hedging on the knowledge that this information will be more than enough to get Matthew to come outside.

Matthew’s head disappears back into the tent. Chris doesn’t have to wait long or be worried before Matthew steps out and smirks at him.

“Well, where do you want me to take you to first, my intrepid assistant?” Matthew questions, looking confident.

“Wherever you think that I should go first,” Chris says.

Matthew doesn’t mind being the tour guide for the blond, He wanted to drag Chris to _everywhere_ around the heart of London. From pubs to department stores to famous landmarks dotted around the city. He’s quite a great guide too, as he is able to point at a building or landmark or certain people working, and he can tell the fascinating stories behind each of them.

In the end, when they start to tire at playing guide and tourist, they chose to take a stroll in Hyde Park, enjoying the peace and quiet and the greenery around them. It’s nice. It’s not like Devon and its countryside, but the grasses and the flowers and the trees is what makes Chris feel comfortable and relaxed, much like Matthew is feeling too.

When they return to the circus on the evening, nearly a day has been spent out in Central London. Chris can hear his stomach growling.

“Let’s go and get some supper with our co-workers. We’ve been out for a while now and I think that they’ve already got the food out to be served,” Chris chuckles.

“Sure. I’m starving too,” Matthew agrees.

They walk towards the area where a campfire is set up, with Chris leading the way. As they get nearer to the campfire, suddenly Matthew stops, his feet refusing to move from the ground that he is standing on. The distance between where he is standing to the campfire is far enough that the group can’t see him.

“What’s the matter, Matthew?” Chris asks, turning around to see Matthew standing still and worried about the brunette.

“Chris, I… I’ve heard what they say about me before,” Matthew says quietly, his right hand gripping on his left arm. “I doubt that I would be welcomed.”

Frowning, Chris walks towards Matthew and puts his hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be with you at all times, Matthew. Dom will even be there for you. You know him as much as he knows you,” Chris says in a soft tone to reassure the brunette. “Whatever happens, if you don’t feel safe I can take you back to your home. I can promise you that.”

“Okay,” Matthew nods. With that, they walk towards the campfire.

When their approach is noticed, the noise died down into silence as the group turn and stare at the two of them.

“Evening, everyone,” Chris greets them all. “Matthew is joining us for supper tonight.”

“Um, hello everyone,” Matthew greets them meekly, waving his hand.

There is an awkward silence from the group, each of them having different responses on Matthew’s presence. In the end, it is Christopher, the ringmaster and leader, who greets Matthew first.

“Bellamy! Crikey, I’ve never imagined that you’d come out and join us here!” Christopher greets and hugs the brunette in exuberance. Matthew manages to hug back even while air is squeezed out of him.

“Come on, you and Chris can sit down next to me and Jonny boy here,” Dom says, patting on the empty spot next to him. “Hey, Bella! We need to feed a couple of people here!”

Once they sit down on the proffered seats by Dom, he turns his head to Matthew who is sitting right next to him. He looks wary and unsure of what to say to the brunette until he settles on one.

“Good to see you, Bells,” Dom murmurs at Matthew.

“It’s been a long time, Dom,” Matthew greets back with a smile, and that seems to have made Dom smile fondly at his old friend.

Florence approaches Chris and Matt with bowls of stew in her hands to serve to them.

“I apologise beforehand if it isn’t as good as the ones that you usually dine on, Mr Bellamy,” she says kindly.

“It’s alright. I haven’t had stew for a long time,” Matthew states. “And please, call me Matthew.”

“How’s the stew?” Florence asks after Matthew takes a few spoonfuls.

“It’s pretty good,” Matthew hums in appreciation. “Could use a bit of salt, though.”

At that, everyone -including Chris- freezes. Isabella’s sharp eyes are on Matthew. Chris stays close to Matthew, his hand subconsciously quickly settled on the small of Matthew’s back, despite Isabella’s glare almost makes him want to apologise and bolt away with Matthew by instinct. Dom leans forward, seemingly using his body to shield Matthew.

Instead of expecting something horrible to happen, Florence laughs.

“Finally! An honest opinion from someone here!” she exclaims. She turns to Isabella. “I told you your soup needed salt and you didn't listened to me, Bella!”

“Fine Flo, you were right,” Isabella concedes with a roll of eyes, although that is ruined by the smile on her lips as she looks at Matthew. “Thank you for telling us that, Matthew.” She takes out a tin box and offers it to anyone who wants to add salt into their bowls of stew.

With the nonchalant approval from two of the most terrifying women in the group, people visibly relaxed and showed signs of friendliness and admiration at Matthew. After supper, a party is in full swing as the alcohol and music instruments were pulled out. Matthew looks to be enjoying it.

“Hey Martin! Why don't you pull out your guitar and sing us a song?” Lily suggests loudly to him after a high-paced waltz with Colin. There are positive noises and cheers to that suggestion.

“Come on, guys. Can’t we just play music to dance to?” Chris insisted, trying to wave off that idea. That got him a chorus of ‘No’ in response.

“Sing, sing, sing, sing!” they all chanted until Chris caves in to their demand. He goes and retrieves his guitar, strumming and tuning it.

“I’m not sure what to play though,” Chris says warily, holding his guitar closely.

“Play the one that we heard from days ago,” Jonny suggests, grinning.

“It’s not even finished yet!” Chris flusters.

“I call bullshit! You practically finished the lyrics days ago and even told us so!” Guy shouts.

Chris throws a withering look at the Scotsman, but he starts strumming the guitar, takes some deep breaths to calm down, and sings.

_“Oh morning come bursting the clouds, amen_  
_Lift off this blindfold, let me see again.”_

The crowd turns silent, watching and listening intently to Chris’ self-written song.

_“And bring back the water, let your ships roll in_  
_In my heart she left a hole.”_

Here Matthew sits, right next to Chris, hearing him sing. It isn’t the first time that Chris has sung before, but this is the first time that Matthew is watching Chris singing with a song that he has never heard of before, claimed from several of the men to be written by the blond himself.

_“The tightrope that I'm walking just sways and ties_  
_The devil, as he's talking, with those angel's eyes_  
_And I just want to be there when the lightning strikes_  
_And the saints go marching in.”_

Their words are true. Matthew has never heard such a style of music before. Usually the music that they listen to with modern singers in it have a faster tempo than what Chris is singing, and usually requires either a small band or an orchestra to perform. Here, an acoustic guitar is all that is needed.

_“And sing slow it down_  
_Through chaos as it swirls_  
_It's us against the world.”_

This is different than the love songs and general lyrics that are sung in radio.

_“Like a river to a raindrop_  
_I lost a friend_  
_My drunken hazard Daniel in a lion's den_  
_And tonight I know it all has to begin again_  
_So whatever you do_  
_Don't let go.”_

The song doesn’t seem to hint any signs to a love song, but it was heartfelt and seems to hold meaning on its own. The other thing that is peculiar to Matthew about the song that Chris is singing is that it is longer than an average song. The lyrics seem to take prominence, and the music as an accompaniment to it.

It is very odd, yet Matthew loves the song as Chris sings on to the next part, his voice rising in crescendo.

_“And if we could float away_  
_Fly up to the surface and just start again_  
_And lift off before trouble just erodes us in the rain_  
_Just erodes us in the rain_  
_Just erodes us and see roses in the rain_

_And sing slow it down_  
_Slow it down.”_

All too soon, Matthew can sense that the song is coming to its end. Hell, probably even the whole people around the campfire know it.

_“Through chaos as it swirls_  
_It's us against the world_  
_Through chaos as it swirls_  
_It's us against the world.”_

With that, the song has come to an end, Chris lets his fingers strum one final note before pulling to a stop, and everyone is clapping and cheering at Chris.

“Encore! Encore!” some of them shout and demand. This time, Chris isn’t reluctant to perform, so he sings a couple of the latest songs played on the radio recently. Some of those who can play an instrument join along with him until it becomes one big party of drinking and dancing and singing.

By the time some people are starting to leave the campfire exhausted, even Matthew is tired. Tired, but happy. Tomorrow morning he will be even happier as Guy has promised to show him the animals that he cares for, even feed and pet them!

Chris walks Matthew back to his tent. Matthew lightens up when he sees that Marvin’s tent is dark, meaning that what Chris said was true.

“Thank you for bringing me out for the evening,” Matthew says to Chris once they’ve reached his tent.

“It’s far better than staying inside all by yourself,” Chris grins at Matthew.

“It is,” Matthew nods.

"And thank you for joining me for the trip to London,” Chris says. “Feels great to see the city with someone familiar with it.”

“Well, you _did_ say that it was better than staying inside all day,” Matthew giggles.

Without warning, Matthew pecks his cheek with a kiss.

“Good night, Chris,” is all that he says, quickly disappearing back to the safety of his tent.

Chris struggles to sleep that night, unable to forget Matthew or the kiss on the cheek that he gave to him. When a sleepy and grumpy Jonny tells him to either go outside and take a walk or go the hell to sleep, Chris picks the former, only returning an hour or so later after a long walk to calm his mind down.

The next morning, Guy shows Matthew the animals, introducing him to each of them and their names. Chris cannot veer his eyes away whenever Matthew smiles and laughs, blue eyes twinkling in delight of getting to feed elephants and stroke a lion’s magnificent mane.

Marvin Winthrop did indeed returned by the afternoon the next day, but only when Christopher has called in on the gentleman’s club to inform the magician of the circus’ impending departure. Dom grumbles in disappointment, much to nobody’s surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to go anachronistic from picking Us Against the World as the song that Chris singing at the previous part. Then again, this is an AU, and Coldplay and Muse are in the 1930's. So what are the possibilities that that song will exist in the AU's future?


	6. Chapter 6

Marvin has not been as active in his role as a magician lately. On the one hand, this allows Matthew to take on a more proactive role to perform in his place and spend time with Chris and some of the people in the circus. On the other hand, it meant that the old magician has free time in his hands and gets nosey enough to check in on Matthew a few times a day.

The old magician is observing as Matthew and Chris prepare for the show. With his physical presence there, both of the young men are acting more formal than usual.

Out of the blue while the two of them are discussing on what acts that they will use for tonight, Marvin cuts in with a question.

“Why are you still using that prop wheel for your knife throwing acts?”

Matthew turns to Marvin in surprise, then wary.

“It’s because it’s already working. The prop even randomises whichever knife in it will pop out so that it won’t be the same on every show,” Matthew answers.

“How long are you going to rely on that prop to do your work for you, Matthew?” Marvin asks. “Great magicians are capable of doing far better without the use of knives popping out of a wheel.”

“The effects are pretty much realistic to the crowd already,” Matthew argues.

“But that doesn’t mean that you can skim on your skills. You said you were good with your throwing skills. Why don’t you show it for tonight’s act?” It wasn’t a suggestion from Marvin, but more of an order.

Matthew stays silent, not moving from where he is standing. But Chris can see the signs of his nervousness. If he says no to Marvin’s order, then the magician will notice Matthew’s reluctance and have derogatory remarks on his lips, ready to be thrown towards the brunette. If he says yes, it means an actual knife throwing act that Matthew is not confident to do.

And an act that Chris remembers his previous nightmare of.

“I’ll be alright. I trust you and your skills, Bellamy,” Chris assures him with confidence. After a moment, Matthew nods.

“Alright, I’ll do it,” Matthew says.

They perform with the routine that they have set up for tonight, but as the minutes ticked by and the time moves ever closer towards that specific act, both men can feel a tension between them. Of worry and doubt and fear. They didn’t practice for this, and they know that anything can go wrong. But they’ve gone this far, and Marvin is watching, so they can’t pull back now.

Finally, the time has come. Chris is strapped onto the wheel with the assistance of Matthew and Will, the knives are set out and ready on a small table, and Matthew is telling to the audience that what they see will be real and must not be done at home.

The audience clap and acknowledge it, but they don’t know just serious the brunette is in his words.

With a curt nod from Chris, Matthew takes a few deep breaths, the wheel starts turning, and the first knife left his hand, singing through the air and hit the wheel with a sharp thud.

Each knife that struck the wheel that Chris is on was nerve-wracking to both the audience and to the performers on stage. This time, Matthew is slower than usual, more concentrated. There wasn’t as much importance in aiming as there is in timing, as due to the wheel spinning, Matthew has to time his throws to make sure that none of the knives will ever hit Chris.

There are a few close calls. The scariest one is when the knife struck in between Chris’ legs, and he can sense the men in the audience wincing at that one. Although scared, Chris trusts Matthew fully to make sure that each knife that he throws at him will never hit any part of his body, so he keeps a calm demeanour.

Eventually it comes down to the last knife in Matthew’s hands. Aside from one of the knives hitting the sleeve of his shirt, otherwise Chris has not been injured and all of the others have landed on the wheel.

Matthew stands there, holding the knife between his thumb and finger longer than his previous moves. He gulps, feeling sweat rolling down his face.

“Just throw it already!” someone that sounds awfully like Winthrop shouts.

That shocked Matthew into accidentally throwing it. The last knife is no longer in his hand, but is now flying towards Chris, aimed straight to his chest.

Chris can feel time slow down around him. Cold sweat trickling down his head. Is this—is this what he is seeing? Is his nightmare a vision? Is he seeing the end of his life in front of his eyes? In front of a horror-stricken Matthew who can see where his mistake will lead to? In front of an audience who wouldn’t even know what went wrong until there’s a knife sticking on his body and blood soaked into his clothes?

There is an urge within Chris right then and there. The urge to scream that one word so loud and yet he is only able to say it in his mind rather than with his mouth.

_Stop!_

And something happened.

For a split second, Chris thought that he’s seeing things as the knife seems to have literally stopped, frozen still in the air. Even Matthew seems to have noticed it, as his eyes widened and a brow is raised in bewilderment at what he’s seeing.

Chris doesn’t have much more time to see whether or not he actually stopped the knife in mid-air until it starts moving again, and ends up sticking onto the wooden board, right next to his body. Those few seconds was more than enough time for the wheel to have turned the position of his body to avoid the knife’s aim.

Matthew looks at him with so much relief that Chris thought that he is almost this close to ignore all pretensions in order to just hug him, relieved that Chris is alright like he’d said. Luckily, both men restrain themselves to retain a civil appearance and they bow to the clapping audience who were unaware of what happened in plain sight.

All the while behind the audience, Marvin Winthrop sneers, unimpressed.

 

\-----

  
Although not a single knife has injured Chris or nicked blood off of him, the fiasco that was the knife-throwing act that night had shaken Matthew hard, so much that he puts the act off subsequent shows in favour of safer, less life-threatening stage acts to prevent another act that could go wrong.  
“I don't want to hurt anyone with a stunt like that. I never meant to hurt you,” is Matthew’s explanation. Not even Marvin’s snide remarks bothered him, which is more than telling of how much that knife throwing act scared Matthew.

Chris hasn’t forgotten it, however. He was scared too, but the fact that he is largely still alive is what got him over with it. What he hasn’t gotten over was how he saw what happened to that last knife. A large part of himself is more than convinced that he was the one who did it. Is it possible that he did… magic? Actual, honest to God real magic?

What led to the conclusion that he can possibly do it requires him to recall some odd memories of his childhood. When he thinks back about it, the weird incidents that happened while growing up starts to make sense.

Of how the toys or books that he wants to get just flying straight into his hands as a child.

How sometimes he is the last to be found during hide and seek, being complained to by annoyed children of how he was like an invisible boy, despite the fact that some of his chosen hiding places were the ones that kids will easily find each other.

How he easily lifted objects that are heavier than what a normal healthy man is capable of carrying by himself thinking that it was light until someone points out what he is actually carrying after he puts it down.

More tellingly, that might explain on why both his mom and then his aunt were wary around him and chastised him, claiming him to be supernatural and the likes of it.

But then, that same supernatural power saved his life. Is that a bad thing to have in his hands?

So if he can do something like what he did to the knife unconsciously, then surely he can do it with his own control.

The immediate problem that he faces when he attempts to do it is that he has no clue on where and how to start. Usually, he knows how to do magic tricks as usually there’s a book or someone who knows how to do it or there’s logic behind how it is done. What he is attempting to do, this ‘real’ magic, is completely unknown. There are no books or logic or someone who knows what he did.

The only lead that Chris has so far is that he used his own mind to somehow make it happen. There is no way that he wants a repeat of a life-threatening situation to be able to do it. Once is enough.

He's been trying for the last few nights, where in the workshop he has a few items at hand to see if he can lift up something as light as a coin.

Chris sighs in exasperation at yet another failed experiment, this time with a spoon. He lost the coin that he often used by spending it on buying a bar of soap.

He stares down at the spoon, hands over the metal object as he puts all his concentration on lifting the spoon up. After several minutes and no signs of the spoon even moving, he breaks his concentration, exhausted by a useless effort.

Chris groans into his arms, frustrated and cursing. If only the spoon will float up for just a few seconds!

He hears something metallic and awfully like what a spoon sounds like when dropped to a hard surface in a clatter.

Chris looks back up again, looking at the spoon in surprise.

He tries again, his hand hovering above the spoon. He swears to himself that it happened, that he is the one that made it float. He wants to be sure that he did this so that he can show this to Matthew. To prove that he stopped the knife with nothing but his own mind and command.

Then, slowly, the spoon pulls itself up. Chris stares at the spoon in amazement, one of its end held upwards by nothing but his own mind willing it and his own hand directing it. If he can lift the spoon up fully…

He wants to shout in victory when he has the spoon to successfully float up.

Chris pulls out a deck of cards from the drawer, its corners worn by constant practice. He picks the first card out. Ace of Spades.

He holds his hand up high, concentrating until the card floats up.

He stands up and takes a few steps back, looking at the card intently, silently commanding it to make sure that it stays at its spot. The card stays where it is, simply floating in the air.

When he wants the card to come forward, the card moves towards him, like a gentle breeze has blown it.

Chris grins in delight at what he has accomplished tonight.

He can’t wait to show the others at what he can do! Wolstenholme & Co. might have another budding young magician right in their midst. One who does _real_ magic rather than a combination of props and tricks to the eye.

But first, more practice.

 

\-----

  
Every night in the tent or caravan, he practices with different objects. Each time he succeeds in lifting one item up, he upgrades towards items that are bigger or heavier or both.

It’s been more than a month since the discovery, and now Chris is ready for one final objective. One that he once thought was impossible, but each success that he had gained increases his confidence to believe that the impossible can be possible to achieve.

After all the practices, trials and errors, he knows the procedure by now on how to make his magic work. Chris starts to think, focussing on positive thoughts. He thinks of how he must float upwards, like thin invisible strings connected to him and pulling the weight of his body up.

Next comes another process that is important to make the magic happen. It involves thoughts that are positive and leads to making this all work. The thought of desire and intent. To think of why he wants his magic to happen.

The easiest reason why is to be able show to the others that he can do something amazing. He wants to, of all things, to someday stand on centre stage, performing alongside with Matthew. To do whatever they want without the judgement of a mentor breathing down their necks.

Then, slowly but surely, he can feel it. The sensation of being pulled by an unknown force upwards. He focuses on that feeling and concentrates hard, until he can feel his feet no longer touch the ground and he is floating about two feet in the air.

When he opens his eyes and looks down, he whispers, “I did it.”

He repeats those three words until a giggle bursts out of him.

Chris grins to himself, and in excitement he starts mimicking how Christopher speaks as a ringmaster to add to the effect of awe.

“Ladies and gentlemen, here is an actual floating man! No tricks that you’re seeing here!”

 

\-----

  
Tonight Matthew is bored. He isn’t in the mood for reading books, which reminds him that he should search and purchase some new ones. The circus folk are quiet after supper for once, as most of them decided to retire early into bath and bed after an exhausting day.

Rather than stay inside his tent, Matthew decided to come outside for a walk. Knowing Marvin and his bottle, the wine has gotten him to sleep in early rather than becoming the more terrifying kind of drunkard. Makes it safe for him to come outside and wander around.

He takes a stroll around, enjoying the soft breeze blowing on his face and the dark skies twinkling with stars above him.

“Watch him turn and twist in the air!”

Matthew stops in his track, discerning where that voice is coming from.

“Watch him move like a graceful swimmer!”

Matthew narrows down the source of the voice into the tent where he and Marvin usually perform their acts at. Wondering why the lights are still on, Matthew walks in to find out whoever is still there that late at night.

And his jaw drops.

Matthew stares at Chris, shocked to find him floating in the air. No wires, no chair near the man, he can’t see anything that made what he is doing possible.

And Chris is performing to an imaginary audience and to Matthew.

Without thinking, Matthew claps his hands.

Chris almost lost his concentration and dropped a bit when he hears someone clapping. He looks down and almost yelps at seeing Matthew clapping at him with an astonished look. He quickly gets a hold of himself, and smiles.

“Again, no tricks or anything else making this happen, ladies and gentlemen! This man levitated himself up in the air!” Chris exclaims.

Slowly, tentatively, Chris lands back down to the ground on his feet.

“That was amazing,” Matthews says in awe.

“Thank you,” Chris says humbly.

“How did you do it, Chris? How did you levitate yourself off the ground?” Matthew asks, amazed at what he’d witnessed and wants to know how that was done.

“It’s magic. Real magic,” Chris answers sincerely. “I just discovered that I can do it. I’ve been practicing to be able to reach this far.”

“Real magic?” Matthew blinks. “Can you can do your levitation magic with other things? Lift them up the air?”

“Yes. Spoons, flowers, my guitar. The cards are a lot harder to do though. It's not really easy to lift all fifty-two individual decks at once.”

Matthew laughs.

“You can lift yourself up in the air and yet you can’t lift up multiple cards at the same time?”

“Hey, this is what I only know so far! If anything, I might go invisible.” Hearing that got Matt to stop laughing and be even more amazed.

“Can you show me? Can you show me how you do your magic?” Matthew asks.

Chris nods. It wasn't a hard request, and he wants someone to see and believe that he did was all real.

He spots an artificial flower made to look like a red rose. He raises his hand at the direction of the flower and with practiced ease, he lifts the rose up. Once the rose is up in the air, Chris pulls the flower towards where they are standing. He stops the rose right in front of Matthew, hovering in the air.

Matthew swings his hand around the flower, wanting to be sure that what he is seeing real and not some trick to his eyes, before he carefully picks the rose off the air with a look of amazement.

“Wow,” Matthew comments. “This is an amazing discovery, Chris. Someday you’re going to have to be on the stage to perform alongside with me. There’s not a chance that you’re not going to wow the people.”

“How about we keep this as a secret between the two of us for now? I’m still trying to get a hang of what I’m doing,” Chris says. _Not to mention that this is all new to me_ , he thinks.

“Oh, I guess I understand that,” Matthew says with a sense of disappointment at what he said, but he remains hopeful. “But someday, if we do well enough or Marvin retires, I want us to be partners. We can switch our roles from time to time rather than being constraint by the role of magician and assistant.”

“You really think that I can be a magician too?”

“I believe so, Chris. You worked hard in learning and practicing alongside with me,” Matthew says sincerely. “Bellamy & Martin, that’ll be how we’re called as a duo. Sounds fitting, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does,” Chris smiles. Bellamy & Martin. He likes the way that rolls off his tongue.


	7. Chapter 7

Chris is busy with practicing how to change a bouquet of prop flowers from red to yellow in the dressing room when he hears shouting nearby. Specifically, Marvin shouting. When Chris peeks out between the flaps, a part of him is not surprised to see that the old magician is shouting at Matthew. But from Marvin’s words, the reason behind it is different than the usual ones that Marvin uses.  
   
Lately for the past couple of months, Matthew has been sneaking out of his tentor avoiding supper time with Marvin in order to join with the group to eat with them. His appearances by the campfire is sporadic, but enough of a presence to have the group see and treat him as a regular. When he comes to them for supper, he usually sits next to Chris. Even when Matthew is absent, the group leaves the seat on Chris’ right hand side -which is where Matthew sits when he appears- empty, treating it as the spot where no one else but Matthew can sit on.  
   
Contrary to Matthew’s belief, he quickly became well liked to the various performers and befriended some of them. He and Dom have reconciled their friendship and are talking again. He gave a recipe cookbook that he possessed in his book collection to Isabella and Florence, gaining their friendship in return and a large improvement on their cooking. He and Guy are on first name basis. The Greenwood brothers feel appreciated that someone understands their skills as trapeze artists.  
   
The old magician is no fool, as he doesn’t like this unruly behaviour that Matthew is exhibiting by being absent for supper with him. It’s why he’s right out there, chastising Matthew for being disobedient towards him and to appear for dinner on time. From what Chris is hearing, however, he hasn’t figured out Matthew spends his time with the circus folk.  
   
When Marvin finally leaves, satisfied that he got his words through, Chris can see the water in Matthew's eyes, but he resolutely refuses to let the tears fall.  
   
Matthew looks up and almost looks surprised to see Chris staring at him.  
   
Chris gives him a little wave and smile, and Matthew does the same in return before he walks off to somewhere else. Probably to be alone by himself to deal with his upset emotions.  
   
When Chris finally succeeded in changing the flowers from yellow to red and back to yellow again, he can't bring himself to feel proud of it. His mind was busy thinking about what he saw.  
   
Sometimes Chris wishes that Matthew can stop this, to no longer put up with how Marvin treats him. Or maybe someone else can stop Marvin from treating Matthew so badly.  
   
\-----  
   
Chris is among the crowd of onlookers from the time that he saw an ambulance arrive near Marvin’s tent, a couple of men dressed in white carrying a very sick Marvin Winthrop on a stretcher into the ambulance and the vehicle left the circus grounds.  
   
It doesn’t take long for him to hear out what happened to the old magician from word of mouth around.  
   
Apparently, the raw oysters that Marvin had ordered from the outside and consumed voraciously last night had gone bad but the old man never noticed, and as a result, Marvin is sent off to a hospital to treat his food poisoning. Not even the wine could help save him from the fouled seafood.  
   
Since Matthew didn’t eat the oysters -he had ordered something else that wasn’t raw- and had witnessed Marvin carried off himself, he has been outside, enjoying the start of the day with no Marvin. With Marvin out of commission, this means that some of his slots for the next performances while the old magician recuperates will be taken over by Matthew _and_ there is no worry for Matthew to be outside.  
   
And Matthew is taking every advantage of it. So when he asked Chris to join him for the day in the city of Bath, Chris didn’t say no.  
   
Currently, they’re out in the city, taking in the sights and sounds. Here they can relax and genuinely enjoy what the city will offer. Matthew has been telling Chris nonstop that the most important places that they must see in Bath are the Roman Baths, the King’s Circus, and Holburne Museum.  
   
By the late afternoon, they have visited the first two places are on their way to the museum before it closes when Matthew doesn’t see Chris right next to him on their walk.  
   
“Chris?” Matthew turns around to see where the blond had gone off to. He can see that Chris isn’t far behind from where Matthew is standing, his attention focused on something else.  
   
When Matthew approaches him, he notices that Chris is staring at the poster of Al Bowlly with the rare appearance of Ray Noble and his orchestra being here in this club to perform this evening. The taller man stares at the poster longingly, and Matthew can read his thoughts like an open book and knows exactly what Chris wants. So far in their friendship, Chris has given to him a lot that Matthew can’t repay for, such as joining him to see around Bath. Here stands an opportunity to give something back to Chris for once.  
   
“Let's go inside, Chris,” Matthew says.  
   
“W-What?” Chris turns to Matthew, surprised and somewhat guilty that he’d been caught.  
   
“I said, let's go inside there. Buy some drinks and have fun,” Matthew suggests. “Your favourite singer has arrived here just as we're here to entertain. So let's go and see them perform.”  
   
“Uh, no thank you,” Chris says. “You said you wanted to go to this museum.”  
   
“I changed my mind,” Matthew says nonchalantly. “Museums are dull, since all you do is stare at old and valuable stuff. This club provides good music and good fun for us.”  
   
“We can come in here later, Matthew,” Chris insists. “It’s not going to start until the evening.”  
   
“Alright then, if you want to go to the museum so badly, then I guess I can go in all by myself if you don’t want to join me.” Matthew doesn’t need to turn around this time to know that Chris is following behind him.  
   
They spent their time mingling around in the club, enjoying a meal and some drinks before the show starts. Throughout the time before the show, Chris was both nervous and excited that he is going to see Al Bowlly, his idol, going to sing live in this club. He all but claps enthusiastically when the man of the hour finally appears on stage.  
   
Once the band starts playing their instruments, Chris has all but turn his attention mainly towards the stage. He is singing and clapping along to the music, with Matthew even joining him in on the act. Some women have asked if he is interested to dance with them, but left once they noticed that he is more interested to sing and dance and clap along to the music rather than the women that are available around.  
   
When the performance is finished, Matthew takes Chris’ arm and all but drags him towards the stage to greet the band leader and conductor, the orchestra, and their talented and amazing singer.  
   
To say that Chris was star struck to meet his idol in the flesh was an understatement.  
   
When they left the club and walk back towards their travelling circus, Chris couldn't stop talking about the show.  
   
“I can’t believe that I met Al Bowlly and Ray Noble! And they gave me the records I haven’t got in my collections!” he all but gushes like an admirer.  
   
“You really love music and singing, don't you?” Matthew asks as they walk on an empty road leading to the field where the circus is, the road lighted by street lights. “Is this why you took up busking?”  
   
Frankly, he is all but amused by Chris. He hasn’t seen him like this other than when they do their magic practice or when Chris shows him what _his_ magic can do lately.  
   
Chris nods. “It's not too bad. I used to sing and play to the sheep before I got complaints about it and had to relocate to the city to do it. Far better than playing to sheep since busking gets me some money from people.”  
   
“But at least give the sheep some credit. They must have been great listeners to your incredible singing.”  
   
“No, they’re not. Sheep are pretty terrifying and irrational for a herd animal,” Chris says in a serious manner. “I had to spend hours or even days to herd them back to the fences. Sometimes they get frightened when I sing too loud. So busking to people is actually a lot better than busking to sheep.”  
   
Matthew looks at Chris incredulously, before the taller man laughs and Matthew gets caught by the infectious laugh that made the serious topic that Chris said sound hilarious.  
   
When they look at each other, Chris notices how Matthew’s face seems softened with a small smile and eyes that are looking at him with fondness. He also notices how close they are physically to each other. Too close.  
   
So close that Matthew is leaning his face towards his that Chris remembers that event all over again.  
   
“No, stop,” Chris holds his hands up, taking a few steps away from Matthew.  
   
“Why?” Matthew insists.  
   
“Because I shouldn’t have done that, Matthew. I shouldn’t have kissed you that time.”  
   
“What? I was the one that kissed you!”  
   
“But I didn’t stopped it!” Chris yelps.  
   
Matthew wouldn’t let this up. Frustrated by Chris’ excuses, he uses his quick reflexes and surprisingly strength pulled Chris down for a sudden kiss.  
   
“Let me say I’m sorry that I started it. I’m sorry that I kissed you that time and for kissing you this time. But for once, listen to what I have to say,” Matthew says, looking at Chris with a silent order to stay and listen to him.  
   
Dumbstruck, Chris nods.  
   
“First, let me tell you what the difference is being kissed by Marvin and by you,” Matthew explains. “When he kisses me, it feels like being slapped in the face to me, no different than what he does to me when he’s angry. I hated and have to tolerate what he claims to be his affections to me.  
   
“When I kissed you that time, it was different. It _felt_ different. I feel happy rather than repulsed by it. I could feel how happy and proud you are of me for what I’ve accomplished.”  
   
Chris looks at Matthew, the shock going away as he listens to him.  
   
“Before that happened, all I ever thought was how incapable I am to love someone,” Matthew smiles sadly. “That those who saw me will turn away from me. When you ran off that night, before everything calmed down eventually, I felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life that cost me a friend that I never had in a long time.”  
   
Now the shock returns back to Chris. In all his time spent with Matthew, he had never thought that the brunette would seriously think that no one would love him.  
   
When Matthew has said all that is needed, he pulls away from Chris. But Chris is fast enough to stop him, wrapping his arms around the brunette.  
   
“Matthew, the kiss that night… Was it really an accident like you said to me before?” Chris asks to a startled Matthew.  
   
Matthew looks down for a while, before he shakes his head.  
   
“Please don’t be mad at me,” he whispers.  
   
Keeping a hold on him with one hand, Chris tips Matthew’s chin up and looks at him sincerely. “Matthew, I’m not mad at you for that. Truth is, I didn’t turn away from you because I was disgusted. I turned away because I was scared. I was scared because at that time, I wanted to keep kissing you. I was scared that if we were caught out, I would never be able to spend time with someone like you.”  
   
“Someone like me?” Matthew murmurs in disbelief.  
   
“When I saw what you are actually like, the part of you that you never let Marvin affect it, and doing magic shows with you, I just…” Now it’s Chris’ turn to look away at Matthew, his cheeks turning red. “I guess I can say that my feelings for you started from there on.”  
   
Matthew smiles shyly, part of him liking to see Chris blushing.  
   
“Mine started when you danced and singed in Will’s workshop in order to cheer me up,” he says. “Other than Dom, no one has ever done that for me. To make me forget about Marvin and the things that he said to me.”  
   
“I did what I thought was a good idea,” Chris shrugs, grinning. “I know I’m not doing more for it, but I’m not going to let you just stand there and take Mr Winthrop’s abuse like that. I can’t do much other than to make sure that I’m there for you, as your assistant and as a friend.”  
   
“Can you indulge my selfishness by being both and still be something more to me?” Matthew requests. “Can you be more than just my friend?”  
   
Chris smiles.  
   
“Of course.”  
   
Looking at each other, there is no hesitation from either of them. They closed their eyes before their lips locked.  
   
When they share a kiss for the second time, this time it is slow and almost chaste. Their tongues touched each other, but it wasn’t as wild as the first time. It’s the kind of kiss where everything feels alright; that they can feel the love that manifested and intertwined with each other; that Chris wants to kiss like this to Matthew every day; that the stupid romantic part of himself tells him they really were meant to be and he believes it full-heartedly.  
   
Breaking away slightly and opening their eyes again, Chris can see that Matthew shares the same sentimentality with him. They kissed a few more times before they had to pull away for air.  
   
“When will he come back from the hospital?” Matthew asks, his lips red and puffy.  
   
It takes some time for Chris’ brain to function normally again to answer that.  
   
“At least a few days from now. A week at the most.”  
   
Hearing that has given a sense of hope and opportunity for the brunette.  
   
“Stay with me in my tent for tonight, Chris. Please.”  
   
The pleading look in his eyes almost got Chris’ resolve to crumble. He wants to say ‘yes’ and stay with Matthew, to make him feel safe and comforted by his physical presence, to allow Matthew to know that he can be trusted. The other half of him wants to refuse, aware of the consequences that will be brought to him and Matthew should they be caught out, that he can’t protect Matthew and Matthew will put up walls around him once again.  
   
His heart won the argument that very night, for he said yes.  
   
\-----  
   
Chris blinks blearily at the dark room he is in, feeling tired but unable to go back to sleep.  
   
Night terrors were what his parents thought he was suffering when he grew up. It took a few years to realise by himself and with the village doctor that he wasn’t suffering from nightmares as much as the fact that sometimes, he is just incapable of getting sleep as most normal people do. The causes can vary, most commonly linked to stress.  
   
What has woken him up and kept his sleep light is how he is in Matthew’s tent, sharing the same bed with the brunette, and the both of them stark naked underneath the blankets.  
   
He doesn’t feel a tinge of guilt or regret at every touch and kiss he gives to Matthew. To hear Matthew say his name with assurance, then desperation, and finally with love while having sex with him is something that Chris had never thought would be so wonderful and beautiful.    
   
Chris takes a look at the sleeping man. He usually is small to him. Now, sharing a bed with Matthew, it’s almost unbelievable of how much _smaller_ the brunette is. It makes Chris wonder about how Matthew usually appears that way. When Marvin is around, Matthew doesn’t look as though he wants to appear smaller as much as wanting to be invisible from the magician.  
   
There were a few large pillows that are scattered all over the bed, and on the floor when they dumped themselves on the bed. It seems to be too many for one person to use. But then judging by how clingy Matthew is towards him while asleep, it is quick to put two and two together to have Chris sympathise for the brunette. Just how many nights that he is here, craving for attention and companionship Marvin doesn’t give properly that he had to find a substitute?  
   
Chris decides to do one thing that he is able to do to help ease his mind. Sing.  
   
Usually, when he has the urge to sing, he just puts on his clothes and shoes and walk outside until he is far from the tents and caravans. He sings out the songs that relate to what his mind has been thinking; to sing until the weight on his shoulders feel a bit lighter; to sing until his heart beats faster.  
   
But here, where Matthew has clung onto him and refusing to budge even while deep asleep, Chris cannot do that. So instead, he hums out a song that he had heard of from the radio recently and has it memorised.  
   
_“Is it a sin? Is it a crime? Loving you dear like I do. If it's a crime then I'm guilty. Guilty of loving you.”_  
   
These lyrics are so fitting to the situation that he is in that it feels painfully honest.  
   
_“Maybe I'm wrong dreaming of you. Dreaming the lonely night through. If it's a crime then I'm guilty. Guilty of dreaming of you.”_  
   
Is he singing this for himself or for Matthew? He, who has been yearning to be with Matthew, while Matthew -who doesn’t have much in the way of companionship with a warden and master- yearns to be with someone, anyone, that loves and cares for him.  
   
_“What can I do? What can I say? After I've taken the blame? You say you're through, you'll go your way. But I'll always feel just the same.”_  
   
Maybe it’s a song that is meant to be for them both, fitting the situation in their lives. Knowing what they are doing behind people’s backs, yet feeling that this is right only for them.  
   
It heartens him to see that the songs that he sings and the silly dances that he does will bring a smile on Matthew’s face. This song? This is a secret song sung to Matthew now while he is the dreaming world.  
   
_“Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. Loving you dear like I do. If it's a crime, then I'm guilty. Guilty of loving you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Chris is singing is called Guilty. The most famous version is sung by Al Bowlly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfSZARFUvnM


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music: Amazing Day - Coldplay

Morning finds Matthew waking up to see Chris putting his clothes on.  
   
Chris is about to lean down and put his boots on when a hand touches his arm. When he turns his head around, it is to the sight of a recently woken Matthew Bellamy. Hair messy and sticking out, and a soft smile aimed at him.  
   
Without thinking, he turns his body around to face Matthew completely before leaning in to share a kiss with him. They kiss quickly becomes heated and passionate, with the both of them being completely enthusiastic to it.  
   
“Never had such a morning call before,” Chris comments when they pull apart, smiling softly.  
   
“I never had such a good morning before,” Matthew smirks. Upon seeing that Chris is dressed up and ready to leave, the smile on his face falls. He pleads to him. “Don’t leave right now.”  
   
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. We’ll see each other during practice,” Chris murmurs, pulling Matthew into his arms. “But we can’t be seen together too many times or they’ll notice.”  
   
Although reluctant, Matthew nevertheless understands and nods, letting Chris finish putting on his boots and tying them up. They kissed again before Chris leaves.  
   
When the flap closes down, Matthew rolls onto his back and looks up at the ceiling, sighing. A small smile appears on his lips, however, as he hasn’t felt such a feeling in a long time. He is long familiar with the sensation to wake up and there’s something that actually gives him a reason to look forward for the day ahead of him for months now. And that something, or some _one,_ is that Devon busker and farmer who comes by the name of Chris Martin ever since he started working as his assistant.  
   
Today, that feeling is brighter, stronger, and more intense than it ever was before. While a small part of himself is afraid of it, the larger part of himself is just so happy and wanted to enjoy it the intensity of such a feeling. He wants to have the chance to enjoy for as long as it is feasibly possible.  
   
And he can. After all, he has a week to enjoy it with the absence of Marvin Winthrop.  
   
\-----  
   
With caution, Chris leaves Matthew’s tent unnoticed. Although he knows that he has not been seen coming out of the brunette’s tent, the others certainly would have noticed his absence in the tent where he shares with some of the men.  
   
After rushing through breakfast, he gets to work quickly to avoid any morning conversations.  
   
So far, no one has thrown him the odd look. No one has asked him of where he went to last night. No one is suspicious of his actions. In fact, everything is just… normal. By the time lunch time rolls around, he’s sitting on a seat with Jonny, Guy, and Dom, chatting and laughing while they have lunch as any other normal day.  
   
It's normal, and that is what Chris is uncomfortable of. It is similar to the silence that unnerves people, only it’s the normalcy around him that’s leaving him wary and paranoid. Leaving him unsure of when and where any one of them will pounce on him because they caught him red-handed.  
   
The only safe haven that he has so far is to be in Will’s workshop.  
   
William ‘Will’ Champion is a man of few words, as Chris has learned when he first worked with the carpenter to set up the props that he created. As long as no one -not even Marvin himself, shockingly enough- bothers him while he is at work, he is generally a pleasant man to be close by. He doesn’t talk much, and this is where Chris feels safe and assured that the carpenter will not ask intrusive questions on him.  
   
It is when Chris is about to leave the workshop for one of his chores that Will stops him in his tracks.  
   
“I got a few questions to ask you, Martin,” Will says with a serious tone.  
   
_Fuck_ , Chris mentally cursed.  
   
“What is it, Will?” Chris says, trying to appear nonchalant.  
   
“You never returned to our sleeping tents last night, did you?” Will asks, going straight to the point rather than wait and pounce that question onto him. Then again, considering that they had a whole morning and afternoon to have pounced him with this question, he may have waited long enough.  
   
Chris shakes his head.  
   
“You stayed the night with Matthew in his tent instead, didn’t you?” And there is the anvil dropped onto his head. Will is not subtle on doing that.  
   
One thing that he cannot absolutely do now is to lie at Will, because the man has a look that makes him look devastatingly disappointed at Chris if he is lying to him.  
   
Chris nods meekly.  
   
“Yes, I did,” Chris answers, keeping his confession short and simple.  
   
Will makes a noise. “Humph, better you than that excuse of a magician.”  
   
Now that, surprised him. Chris stares at him in shock as the carpenter returns back to work.  
   
\-----  
   
As it turns out, as Chris learns later in the day, Will wasn’t the only one who knew about it. Everyone in the circus knows about it and have been expecting something between him and Matthew to happen.  
   
It is rather frightening to see exactly how fast word can travel around the grounds. Once Will has gotten the truth out of Chris and his approval of the affair, the floodgates finally opened and suddenly Chris receives teasing that are tenfold from the amount that he usually gets.  
   
The first thing that surprises Chris is how accepting they are of the two of them getting together.  
   
Everyone but Marvin could see it. They can and have seen what they are like when together. While there are some who disapprove of it because of the nature of the relationship, they still say that Matthew is better off with him than with Marvin. Matthew has been emboldened by Marvin’s absence in the circus. Were it not for Chris, many of the people would not have met and know Matthew the way he is.  
   
When Chris finds Matthew after leaving the workshop, wanting to explain what happened to him this afternoon, he is rather shocked that the brunette comes towards him and kisses him out of the blue. Apparently, Dom had approached Matthew and told him that they knew, and then hugged him for getting together with Chris. Such good news made Matthew happier than ever.  
   
This meant that effectively, Chris and Matthew don’t need to walk around eggshells about their relationship with the others on whole.  
   
To the circus folk, however, this newly formed relationship that Chris and Matthew have meant that they have traps for them to fall into too easily. Just because they have teased them for it doesn’t mean that they’re done yet.  
   
“Chris! Can you invite Matthew to join us for dinner tonight? I’ve made chicken and rice for us all,” Florence says to Chris when he passed by the cooking area, all sweet and nice and inviting.  
   
“Sure,” Chris nods.  
   
Florence has good timing, as when Chris went to ask, Matthew easily accepts the invitation without hesitation.  
   
“I wasn’t in the mood to eat by myself,” Matthew quips.  
   
Once Matthew has settled down to have a chat with Dom, Chris goes to Florence to pick up the dishes of food for him and Matthew.  
   
“Here you go, dear,” Florence says, giving Chris a plate filled with food first.  
   
“Um, Florence, you seem to have put too much food on my plate,” Chris says, noticing that there’s twice the amount of rice and chicken served to him.  
   
“Well, someone washed the dishes and broke a few,” Florence winked. “So you and Matthew have to share the plate. After all, couples are meant to share.”  
   
Chris’ face is red. He didn’t even stop Matthew from picking off the best bits from the chicken on the plate that they’re sharing.  
   
A part of himself is happy and relieved, however, that everything worked better than he expected.  
   
\-----  
   
Their stay in Bath is a short one, and Marvin is staying at a hospital in Bristol. The advent of automobiles made it possible that the ambulance he was in can reach there and the doctors be able to treat him. But there are still a few days in recovery before he can discharged.  
   
Because of their impromptu change of location, the travelling circus couldn’t secure a park or any open spaces to set up. Fortunately, Christopher has friends in the city. A few favours from the theatre manager is what made them be able to get a few nights to perform in the Bristol Hippodrome and earn some money.  
   
Setting up their circus performance in a theatre is different than in an open space such a park. It restricts their usual acts down to a select few that are allowed. Magic acts are one of the few that are allowed to be performed in the theatre.  
   
Since Chris is one of those that are alongside those that can perform, he is staying in a nearby hotel with the other performers. Because of the need to save money, Kelly has told them that sharing rooms is necessary, and so he and Matthew are sharing the same room. It doesn’t take a fool for Chris to see through what they are doing for them, no matter if it’s out of their good intentions or not.  
   
It is on a sunny afternoon that Chris is out in the city, wanting to go look for pawn shops or record stores to find some new vinyl records to add to his collection that the sounds of a galloping animal coming up behind him tells him that his afternoon out will be interrupted.  
   
When he turns around, Chris jumps away and swears when Phil stops his horse in front of him.  
   
“Get on,” Phil says.  
   
“What?” Chris stares at him, confused.  
   
“Get on the horse right now,” Phil says, this time insistent. Seeing as he doesn’t have work to do and this seems urgent, Chris climbs onto the horse and sits behind Phil.  
   
He had barely settled down before Phil pulls the reins and the horse starts galloping.  
   
“Where are we going?” Chris asks the equestrian.  
   
“We got business to do for the circus!”  
   
“But the train station is on the opposite direction on where we’re going!”  
   
“And you’re right!” Phil shouts back, grinning.  
   
Not a moment later, Lily joins up from behind. When the horses are galloping side by side, Chris sees Matthew sitting behind Lily, and the brunette is equally wide eyed and confused.  
   
The trip by horse to wherever they are going is a long one. It wasn't until they reached a small cove beach less than two hours later that they finally stop.  
   
“Here we are! Layde Bay!” Phil exclaims. “Time to get off, fellow passengers!”  
   
“Here you go, love,” Lily hands over a picnic basket for Matthew after getting off from the horses. For some reason, only the equestrians haven’t got off yet.  
   
“A picnic? That’s our business?” Chris raises an eyebrow.  
   
“Nope, that’s _your_ business,” Lily smirks. With that, she and Phil rode off.  
   
It takes some time for his brain to catch up that Chris sees that they're leaving them behind.  
   
“Where are you two going?!”  
   
“We’ll be back before the sun sets! We won’t be far away!” Lily shouts as she and Phil rode away. “Enjoy your date!”  
   
It was too late to chase after them, the horses having covered a good distance in a few seconds as a head start. How were they going to do their performance tonight? It’ll take time to find a fast way to get back to Bristol, and even then, it’ll take a good hour or two to get back.  
   
Then Chris remembers what Lily said.  
   
“Date?” Chris blinks, repeating that last word Lily said and turning to Matthew. “Why did they put us out here on a date?”  
   
Matthew looks away from Chris when he explains it.  
   
“Well, I had a chat with Lily yesterday, and she was insistent about getting to know certain… details,” Matthew says, hands behind his back. “When she said that we haven’t took a proper date, I told her that the one in Bath counted. Then she insisted that we haven’t taken a date out by the countryside. So… here we are.”  
   
Chris takes a pause to have those words sink into his mind.  
   
A date. The two equestrians bought them here to this remote beach that no one else but those two know how to get here just because one of them thought that they needed a proper date, and roped the other into the plan.  
   
It’s absurd. That people are going out of their way to have a proper romantic date. It was so absurd that Chris actually finds it funny.  
   
“At least I don’t have to be dressed on my best clothes out on a beach,” Chris chuckles.  
   
“I’m not on my best clothes either,” Matthew smiles back, taking the picnic basket in one hand and Chris’ hand on the other as they walk down the dirt path leading to the beach.  
   
They found a place that has covering around to act as wind breakers to settle down and set up their picnic. In the basket that either Lily or Florence have prepared for them were an assortment of cheeses, crackers, some sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and a bar of chocolate for dessert. The red wine is what made their picnic to be a luxury.  
   
The wind smells of salt from the sea and cold enough that they had to cuddle to each other for warmth and touch. It’s only the two of them in this small cove. There’s no one else in sight to judge them for their relationship, or that their attention is only to each other. More than easy enough to let the romance and love settle in.  
   
Red wine and chocolate made for a perfect excuse for them to kiss and make out. Chocolate is still what makes Chris remember Matthew the best since their first (accidental) kiss.  
   
“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of kissing you,” Chris says affectionately.  
   
“I wouldn’t get tired of getting from you, you natural kissing talent,” Matthew replies, eyes twinkling and lips glistened with their saliva.  
   
When Phil and Lily arrived to pick them up for the journey back to the city, they stayed quiet and watch with fond smiles at the two of them cuddled to each other, looking out at the sea together and unable to let go.  
   
It was a lot easier to just let the two lovebirds share Phil’s horse on the ride back than keeping them separated. Not that they minded. It is like young love, after all.  
   
\-----  
   
More than one week later, things had returned to normal and they both can’t help but be disappointed.  
   
Of course that paradise wouldn’t last forever. They both knew it was a matter of time. Marvin returns to the circus with low fanfare and he doesn’t look that jolly to see them either. No one is sure whether or not if that stay in the hospital has made his temper worse, but no one is willing to try and find out.  
   
It was only for a week and their relationship is new, yet after that has passed Chris catches himself looking forlornly at Matthew from the distance. And Matthew is doing the same. Chris has to remind himself time and again that they’re doing this out of concern and to stay safe from letting Marvin find out.  
   
For weeks now, one of the few solaces that they found to be able to spend time together is in practicing their craft in the magic tent and at the workshop.  
   
Today they’re practicing on an act that hasn’t been used by Marvin for a long while now, and both Chris and Matthew have agreed to put it back into the set list. The act involves a giant diamond that is made from papier-mâché and a chest that is big enough to fit the diamond into it but too small for Chris’ size.  
   
The papier-mâché diamond floats and spins thanks to two strong magnets, one in the diamond itself, and one hidden in the chest. The act is particularly simple in the fact that it involves the assistant, Chris, opening the chest and showing the audience a floating diamond, vowing them with that before putting the diamond back inside. Opening the chest a second time will reveal that the diamond is now replaced by the magician, Matthew, coming out of the chest instead.  
   
They’ve done the act several times before during practice, but this would be the first to incorporate Chris’ magical abilities so that the diamond will levitate off and away from the box for a while before putting it back into the box. If done right, the audience will think that it’s a really advanced and tricky skill to achieve that act and will be none the wiser.  
   
It was a bit problematic at first to try it as when Chris lifts the diamond off, it won’t spin. It was all but impossible to use Chris’ mind to make it spin as he isn’t that advanced in his skill yet. They solved that problem by letting the papier-mâché spin first before Chris levitates it off.  
When that was achieved, Matthew claps his hands from a nearby seat. Chris bows down to his single audience.  
   
“I have a thought,” Matthew says.  
   
“And what is that?” Chris asks, putting the diamond away.  
   
“The only magic we’ve seen you done so far is mostly levitation,” Matthew notes. “I know you can do magic that has already been proven to be real, but surely you can do more than just float things up in the air.”  
   
“What? Like if I snap my fingers, fire will come out from them?” There is a short moment of amazement on Matthew’s face at the thought of him conjuring fire from the tip of his fingers. While what he said sounds like a suggestion, it’s not far from the truth.  
   
The one proof that _can_ confirm that he can do magic beyond levitation was when he actually _did_ conjured fire out of his hands. Chris doesn’t want to tell Matthew yet that he can do that because that first time was an accident that ended up with the clothes on his body on fire and more than a few suspicious looks from the others on just how clumsy he was to have burned his clothes.  
   
“But have you ever wondered about it? About how magic works? About how you can actually perform levitation?” Matthew questions. His mind then veers to another thing that is connected to Chris’ abilities. “When you do levitation, I see you use your focus, and you use the same hand gestures several times. Your hand movements and gestures have something to do with it.”  
   
To that, Chris gives a verbal grunt in agreement to Matthew’s theory. Through trial and error, this was what he ended up with. It works because he knows how to do it, however it leaves more questions than answers. Why must the movements and gestures of his hands make this possible? He tried without it and using solely the power of his mind before, it is still possible but takes so much effort that it leaves him exhausted and more than a bit faint. So that leaves a possibility that he needs his hands to somehow channel the energy of it.  
   
Other than that, he's nowhere near discovering what magic is and why he is the only one who can do it. He could ask Jonny about it and show it to him, but the intelligent strongman will be more likely to ask even _more_ questions than the ones Chris and Matthew have combined.  
   
Bored of practicing the diamond in the chest act and wanting to lead the conversation away, Chris picks up a feather.  
   
“Wanna do some simple levitation magic of your own?” Chris asks, smirking. “I promise I won’t use my mind powers to cheat for you, or set it on fire.”  
   
“That’s the second time you mentioned about fire. I’m starting to think you prefer that more than levitation,” Matthew teases, getting off of his chair and getting onto the stage.  
   
Soon, with well-honed skills and practice, they got the feather to stand on the palm of Chris’ hand.  
   
It's a simple looking but hard to do trick to make the feather stand on his palm, but it easily amuses Matthew and make the audience think that it’s floating on Chris’ hand rather than standing on it. It’s all in the matter of keeping the balance for a standing feather.  
   
From another perspective, one can see that they are standing so close to each other. So close that if anyone had walked into the tent, they would’ve thought that they are too intimately close. Unfortunately, that someone is Marvin Winthrop.  
   
And he doesn’t like it a single bit.  
   
“Matthew!” he shouts, nostrils flaring.  
   
Chris and Matthew quickly jumped away from each other, shocked etched on both of their faces. When Marvin comes charging towards Matthew, Chris instinctively shields Matthew.  
   
Blocking Marvin from getting to Matthew by shielding him with his own body won’t do much, unless he diverts the old magician to put most of his attention on him rather than Matthew.  
   
And it seems like Fate has answered to his idea, if a bizarre one.  
   
For some reason, he sneezes, right at Marvin’s face when the old magician got close enough. That gets the old magician’s attention to indeed turn towards him, and the man is furious. Furious enough to shove Chris down, knocking him against a record player nearby.  
   
"We were just practicing, Marvin!” Matthew says to Marvin, taking acting to pull Marvin away from the fallen Chris. Marvin ignores Matthew in favour of glaring down at his assistant.  
   
“I’ve warned you before, Martin,” Marvin growls, spitting at Chris’ face before he leaves. “Don’t get close to Matthew.”  
   
When Marvin is gone, Matthew quickly gets on his knees to assess the injuries that Marvin did to Chris.  
   
“Chris, are you okay?!” Matthew asks, frantic and worried.  
   
Chris winces in pain, but otherwise fine and tries to make himself look as though it isn’t worse than it seems.  
   
“Hey Matthew, look,” Chris pulls a paper rose out of his coat pocket and holds it near a candle, lighting the paper flower on fire. Once it is set ablaze, he puts his hand over the burning rose, smothering the flames and out comes a real red rose when he pulls his hand away. “Learned it from you.”  
   
Matthew gives him a sad smile. “Oh, Chris.”  
   
“Don’t be upset over Marvin, Matthew,” Chris says, sitting up straight and wiping the spit off his face. “I’m right here with you. I won’t go away any time soon.”  
   
“You’re not supposed to take those punishments, Chris,” Matthew says. “You could’ve gotten fired by what you did there.”  
   
“Neither should you take his punishments for just being around me,” Chris smiles, leaning in to kiss Matthew. “You have me now. And he was just mad enough to push me down, not fire me yet.”  
   
“I—I know but… Please, promise me that you won’t do that again. I don’t know how many times you can do that before he’ll fire you off for real.”  
   
“If he does that, we can run away instead,” Chris jokes instead, not wanting to keep such a promise. But he nods to make it seem like he will take the promise, nonetheless.  
   
From the outside of the tent, both men were unaware that someone has been watching and listening to them. Said someone left before they suspected that there was a second eavesdropper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank a-sky-full-of-drones and mad-marquise from Tumblr, for acting as my beta readers to help me out on certain parts that have stumped me for this chapter. Were it not for you two, this wouldn't be here right now! :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a month since I updated this story! I've been working on making this chapter as polished as possible to be ready to be posted out... and the result is a whooping 5K of words written out. 
> 
> Well, at least it compensates for my somewhat inactive time. Enjoy and comment!

In the circus grounds, there is a caravan that is painted in the colours of blue and white stripes, but the paint has started to peel off and the caravan in need of a repainting. This caravan belongs to the Wolstenholmes as their mobile home. In that caravan, a secret meeting is held with a select number of trusted people in there discussing to one another a certain topic.  
   
“Are you sure that we should do this? I mean, barring that we really do need to look after Matthew, Marvin is not someone that we should piss off so much.”  
   
“We need to do something for them. Dom is right in that we left poor Matthew to fend for himself from Marvin’s temper for all these years.”  
   
“Couldn’t agree more to it. Marvin’s temper was bad enough already before he went to the hospital. Now it seems worse than ever after he got out.”  
   
“I agree with it, but here we are, all supporting an affair. Lord knows if what we should do should be right, let alone what they’re doing.”  
   
“The two of them together just seems naturally right. Matthew and Marvin? No. I’d rather boil my eyes and my brain than to see and think about what that old man is doing with Matthew. So why doubt Chris and Matthew’s relationship with the Lord’s name?”  
   
“I’m just pointing out the facts. What I’m worried here is exactly how long we can do this before he gets angry enough to fire one of us. Any of us.”  
   
“If anything happens, I’ll remind him that he isn’t the one in charge of the whole circus. Now, do we all agree in what we are going to do?”  
   
There are a choruses of ‘yes’ in the vote, none of them giving a ‘no’.  
   
“Good. I’m glad we are all in agreement. We’ll all look after Chris and Matthew. We’re doing this for the two of them because they’re part of a family. Our family.”  
  
Nobody disagreed in the ringmaster’s words.  
 

 

\-----

   
To Matthew, being around Marvin for years as his apprentice first, then his assistant, and then as his lover is like being an actor on a stage. It’s what happens when you learn to hate and fear being around a man like him and easy to learn methods on how to tolerate being around him, acting being one of them. Play the parts you’ve been assigned to well, keep your mask on, and Marvin will remain none the wiser that it’s all an act.  
   
It's the same for himself and Chris to act like professionals daily, whether if Marvin is there or not, to maintain the secrecy that they are having an affair. That one time where Marvin almost caught have scared them enough that it wasn’t hard for Matthew to convince Chris to do for the sake of their safety.  
   
Nevertheless, it can be exhaustive when done daily, especially when there are days when Matthew is stressed out and depressed, and Chris looks on helplessly at Matthew because he told him before that they can’t break their act when all Chris wants to do is to hug Matthew and tell him that he is here for him.  
   
Laying on his double bed after a long day, he feels exhausted, but not tired. He can feel his body wants rest, yet refuses sleep. Unable to sleep after trying for some time, Matthew gets up and decides to take a short walk around the circus grounds to tire himself out.  
   
The lowering temperatures as autumn is nearing towards winter reminds Matthew of why the travelling circus is hunkering down for the cold season near the large town of Reading in Berkshire. They wouldn’t be travelling anywhere until spring starts, and the performers and workers alike are doing temporary jobs in nearby villages and the town to eke out some earnings. This includes Chris as well.  
   
Marvin is the lucky one in that he has more than enough money to live through the winters comfortably. By extension, as his lover, Matthew is as well. It doesn’t mean that Matthew feels comforted by the privilege at all.  
   
Matthew notices that the campfire from the living grounds nearby is still burning, and decides to go there to get some warmth.  
   
As he walks there, he notices that there is someone is stoking the campfire with a fire poker and some firewood. Coming closer towards the human silhouette, Matthew’s heart jumps when he sees that it’s Chris.  
   
Chris looks up and turns his head around to where Matthew is when he hears footsteps. There’s a smile on his lips and a bright twinkling in his eyes upon seeing his lover.  
   
“Matthew. You couldn’t sleep?” Chris asks. Matthew shakes his head, sitting down on a chair. His nose then picks up a scent.  
   
“Something smells good,” Matthew says quietly.  
   
“Hot chocolate. Made with a secret family recipe,” Chris says, holding up a mug. “I’ll make you a cup too. I got some Danish pastries from this fancy French bakery I went to this afternoon with Kelly.”  
   
“That would be lovely,” Matthew says, accepting the offer and Chris goes off to prepare one for him.  
   
Chris sits down on a chair next to Matthew before handing the mug of hot chocolate for him. Matthew thanks him when he gives him a hot, foamy beverage. When Matthew took a sip, he makes a surprised sound. The texture is smooth, a thin liquid rather than thick, not too sweet, and he can taste the slight bitterness of the cocoa. He can taste a hint of cinnamon in it as well.  
   
“How did you learn how to make hot chocolate this good?” Matthew can’t help but ask. “Never had one as good as this.”  
   
“My mom used to work as a maid to a wealthy merchant family back in Devon when I was young,” Chris explains. “They loved hot chocolate, and she was the one who makes the best ones to serve for them. When she comes back home on late Saturday evenings, she gets to bring a tin or two of cocoa powder and makes it for the family on Sunday mornings.”  
   
“You learned it from her?” Matthew grins.  
   
“Well, if I didn’t learn, I wouldn’t be the only other person now who has been handed down the knowledge on how to make the best hot chocolate to serve to a wealthy family in Devon,” Chris says before offering a selection of pastries to Matthew.  
   
Matthew picked a plaited pastry with a blueberry filling. He ate the pastry and drank the hot chocolate with gusto, feeling happy and far more satisfied with this midnight snack more than the meal that he shared with Marvin this evening.  
   
Matthew hears Chris opening something and turns to look at what he is doing. When Matthew realises what Chris is doing, he can’t help but to blurt out what he is thinking.  
   
“Are you—Are you putting cheese in your hot chocolate?” Matthew asks, looking at Chris and at the mug he is holding in sheer disbelief at the audacity of his action.  
   
“My family does it all the time.”  
   
Matthew stares at him.  
   
“Okay, I’m the only one who does that,” Chris confesses. “But how can you like eating pieces of cold cheese when you can put it into a hot drink to make it hot and runny?”  
   
“Wow, I’m not sure, Chris. Maybe just pop the cold cheese into your mouth, chew and swallow it? Or maybe just toast it on top of a slice of bread,” Matthew says with a tone of deadpan sarcasm.  
   
“Cheese in my hot chocolate has always been how I liked to have it,” Chris lamely says.  
   
Matthew uses his free hand to cover his mouth, muffling his giggling. When it seems like it’s enough, seeing that he has made Chris a bit upset, Matthew puts his mug down to the ground and turns to Chris.  
   
“Hey, Chris. Look at me.”  
   
“What? You’re going to keep teasing me on how I ruined my hot chocolate with cheese?” Chris asks grumpily.  
   
“No, but I will do this,” Matthew says before pressing his lips against Chris’, and he forgives Matthew then and there.  
   
They share a long, intimate kiss, unafraid that anyone would walk out and see them kissing by the campfire. There is a sense of urgency and hunger to it, but neither of them did not take the move for more.  
   
“I miss this,” Matthew murmurs when they break away for air.  
   
“Me too,” Chris replies, his hand touching Matthew’s face.  
   
They continued kissing for a few minutes on before they settle close to each other, cuddling. The warmth from the campfire and from close contact with Chris got Matthew’s eyelids to droop, and he yawns.  
   
“It’s really late at this hour. You should head back to bed now,” Chris says.  
   
“Can we go to yours instead? It’s been a while since we last shared a bed together,” Matthew suggests, and Chris understood that connotation. Although considering that Matthew wants to go to his bed, a bunk bed, that suggestion is more innocent than dirty.  
   
“It’ll be a tight fit. I might accidentally push you off the bed,” Chris warns.  
   
“If you do that, I’ll make sure that you get the floor all to yourself,” Matthew replies smoothly.  
   
Chris was correct. It is a tight fit for two people sharing a bunk bed, but they made it work, even having managed to not wake his fellow bunkmates, up. Chris throws a thick blanket over them and tucks Matthew close to him. The blond throws an arm over Matthew, who welcomes the hold, and pulls him in close.  
   
For Matthew, he hung onto Chris, craving for body warmth and touch that he sorely missed for so long. He eventually falls asleep, with Chris’ arms wrapped around his body.  
   
The next morning, Chris woke up two times. First is when Matthew shook his body lightly to awake him to tell him that he has to return to his tent and gave him a kiss before leaving. He woke up the second time about an hour later. Chris raises an eyebrow at Tom and Guy during breakfast, wondering why a couple of his bunkmates have such dark bags under their eyes as if they hadn’t slept the whole night.  
 

 

\-----

   
There isn’t much to do on a Wednesday. It’s a rare sunny day out and the ringmaster has already declared that this Wednesday is a day of rest. They won’t be opening up in at least two days from now, so the labourers can take a much relaxed pace although some are still hard at work, especially at finishing assembling the helter skelter ride.  
   
It means that it’s a nice day out for cricket.  
   
Once they found a field large and flat enough to play on it, they easily set it up and form two teams. They’ve been playing for a couple of hours now and each side have racked up some pretty decent points.  
   
Currently, it is Chris’ turn in his team as the batsman. And so far, he isn’t fearing of losing, but rather that Lily is the bowler. Lily, for all that her height is, has a mean skill in making the ball go fast or spin.  
   
Matthew has been sitting next to Kelly and cheers for Chris when he manages to hit the ball to the far side and started running. He scored more than a few points for his team to be ahead on the scoreboard.  
   
During a short break, Matthew has a slice of pork pie and a glass of lemonade ready for Chris. Kelly teases playfully at Matthew for being such a 'caring wife' to Chris, to which Matthew laughs as he spoon feeds Chris a spoonful of pie.  
   
It was while Will is the batsman that something happened that suddenly got Matthew to be on his feet and seem ready to bolt away. When Chris turns to look where Matthew is looking, his eyes widened.  
   
Marvin is coming towards where they are.  
   
Without a second thought, Chris assists Matthew in helping him to escape to safety and possibly return to his tent as soon as possible.  
   
Then, just as Kelly stopped them from bolting, someone who sounds awfully like Dom calls out Marvin’s name and stops him in his path.  
   
“Mr Winthrop! What’s with the rush?” he calls out cheerily.  
   
“I don’t have time for you, Howard!” Marvin huffs.  
   
“Oh, really? That’s a shame,” Dom says. “So I guess the crate that deliveryman came by with that says these fancy French words like ‘du vin’ and ‘Bordeaux’ and has your name on it aren’t meant to be sent for you then.”  
   
“What?! Where is that deliveryman?!” Marvin asks, turning around and stomping off to the direction that Dom is pointing.  
   
“Like a dog to a steak,” Dom shakes his head, chuckling. He spots Chris and Matt staring at him in shocked stupor, and sends them a wink and a thumbs up. Kelly sends back a thumbs up to Dom for a job well done in diverting the old magician away from the cricket field.  
 

 

\-----

   
Chris and Matthew have taken careful steps to cultivate their relationship and keep it away from Marvin’s knowledge. Their relationship is but only a few months old, so it is still new and exciting for the both of them.  
   
Matthew, for all that has happened to his life, seems to have found the happiness within him rejuvenated. Being able to perform as a magician in his own right at his age is one, and to have Chris as his most wonderful assistant and lover. And, when opportunity and timing strikes just right, spending time with the one man that makes him feel so positive, in love, and loved.  
   
For example, today Matthew told Chris that he missed his birthday and didn’t get a gift from him. When Chris asked Matthew when his birthday was, he said it was months ago, on early June, long before they even got together.  
   
Considering that he did indeed missed his birthday months ago, which Chris conceded, Matthew wanted him to make up for it. And by that, he meant sex. Chris is more than happy to oblige to the brunette’s demands.  
   
Having a passionate make out session on Chris’ bed at around the afternoon is one of the few times when the place is deserted. And a perfect place for them to have sex, in Matthew’s words. Not that Chris would protest against that.  
   
They were about to be done stripping themselves naked and stopped when they suddenly heard a loud gunshot.  
   
They look at each other in confusion and fright. Then came another loud bang from the gun that made them jump, confirming that it is indeed nearby.  
   
“Isabella doesn’t usually do her shooting practice this near the living grounds,” Chris says, remembering who would own a gun as loud as that from the many times he heard it when Isabella goes to practice.  
   
Chris signals to Matthew to stay put in the tent and he peeks out to check on the commotion happening outside.  
   
From nearby, Isabella is holding a smoking rifle in her hands, staring at a red-faced and flustered Marvin Winthrop standing next to a wooden post with a couple of bullet holes on it at about the height of the magician’s head.  
   
“Sorry! Missed my target!” Isabella yells from a distance away from Marvin.  
   
“You better be more careful, woman!” Marvin shouts, annoyed and not showing how frightened he was. “There are people walking by here!”  
   
“Then you better walk fast or else my third shot won’t be so lucky for you,” she replies coolly.  
   
Angry yet unsettled by how close his life was put into danger and might still be in danger, Marvin quickly walks away from Isabella’s ‘practicing ground’, and going the opposite direction of where Chris and Matthew are.  
   
“And there goes my missed target,” Isabella mutters under her breath. When she turns around and sees Chris, she gives him an acknowledged look and a thumbs up.  
   
Chris blankly sends back a thumbs up, speechless. It is by fortune that Matthew know ways to get them back on what they were supposed to do.  
 

 

\-----

   
When the days are nearing towards Christmas, Chris finds it a good idea to earn some outside money by bringing his guitar to busk in the city square of Reading. He has been doing this for a couple of weeks now. Partly to have some extra money during the leaner months, and partly to have enough to buy some gifts for his friends for the upcoming holiday.  
   
Matthew joined along with him on this one day, having managed to convince Marvin that he is out to town for some shopping and then a film, never mentioning that he was also going to stay _with_ Chris after his shopping is done and then watch a film _with_ Chris.  
   
So far for today, it seems as though Chris is doing well with busking, with more than a few coins and paper notes tossed into his guitar case. Matthew is happy to be sitting or standing by the side and watch Chris perform. Watching him sing and play the guitar, it was more than clear to Matthew that he is a natural at this.  
   
It is by around noon when Matthew feels famished and asks if Chris is as well.  
   
“I’ll go get us something to eat,” Matthew says when Chris confirms that he feels hungry as well.  
   
A walk down the street has Matthew found a fish and chip shop to order a take away for two. Hands ladled with fish and chips and a couple bottles of ginger beer, Matthew walks back to the city square.  
   
As he is approaching closer towards where Chris is, Matthew stops, looking at an interesting sight at where he is supposed to walk to.  
   
Chris is talking to a respectable looking young gentleman. Judging by the interested look on Chris’ face, the gentleman is offering something that piques the busker’s mind. After a while of conversing to one another, Chris shook his head at the gentleman, refusing the offer for some reason. The gentleman seems disappointed at Chris’ decision, but nonetheless he seems to respect that decision. He tossed some money into his case, shook hands with Chris, and left afterwards.  
   
Matthew only moves in once Chris playing once again. The smell of deep fried food is quickly picked up by Chris’ nose when Matthew approaches him and he stops playing.  
   
“Fish and chips! Wow, now I’m starving!”  
   
Matthew lets Chris eat his lunch, figuring that now is not the right time to ask that question. He’ll ask when he is finished with his time busking in the city square.  
   
He didn't get the chance to ask about who Chris was talking to because around a while later, just as he says that he is about to be finished, Jonny and Dom found them on the city square and decided that they should all go to the cinema to watch the latest Charlie Chaplin film that is being shown there.  
 

 

\-----

   
“Your hair has grown,” Matthew says out of the blue.  
   
“Really?” Chris stops playing his guitar, turning to the brunette.  
   
When Chris first arrived, his hair had been cut so short that he almost looks bald and his hairline is visible to everyone. Now it has grown so long that it reveals the curly nature of his hair. It’s getting hard for Matthew _not_ to stare at those curls. At times when they’re alone together, he can’t help but to touch those soft locks of hair.  
   
“It’s been a while since I last went to the barber shop,” Chris says, using his free hand stroking the locks. “Do I need to cut it?”  
   
“No, I like how it looks. It makes you look handsome,” Matthew assures him, touching Chris’ hair to tuck some locks behind his ears. “It’s a wonder how you didn’t catch the eyes of the ladies.”  
   
At that, Chris felt his cheeks glow with warmth.  
   
When there’s no work to do, Chris uses his free time to borrow the workshop to practice his singing and guitar playing. Since the circus folk deemed him the best singer that they have, it meant that he is on a constantly requested to perform after supper, either with a cover song or a song that he made on his own.  
   
Will is not around in his workshop, but they know that he is loitering nearby and keeping an eye out for them. Chris and Matthew have suspected by now that lots of their co-workers are helping them to keep Marvin away from them to let them enjoy some much needed time to be spent together. They don’t know why and how all of them are working together in this, but they are very thankful that they are doing this for them.  
   
For Chris, seeing and knowing how joyful and comfortable Matthew is around with him makes him feel happy, not regretting to love Matthew unconditionally. Right now, he is not sure how to react on Matthew complimenting his looks.  
   
“W-Well, I don’t think that they see it the same way once they see what I really am,” Chris says, his eyes not looking straight at Matthew.  
   
“A really good singer and the nicest man I’ve ever spent around?” Matthew smirks. “Yet I wonder one thing… Why do you want to stay here in the circus? I mean, it’s not as though I’ve seen you don’t like it here, but… You’re a good singer, Chris.  A really good singer.”  
   
Chris stays silent at hearing Matthew’s compliments for his musical ability, keeping a hold of his guitar as Matthew continues.  
   
“When we were at the club, and you sung along to the songs, the lyrics and the music itself, I knew right away that you should be on that stage too, singing to your heart’s content to an adoring audience,” Matthew says, wringing his hands.  
   
Chris looks at Matthew, now understanding where this is all going.  
   
“You’re right about it. When I was back in Devon, I have dreams of singing in famous clubs and travel to places that I’ve never been to before,” Chris says wryly. “With my parents dead, and my uncle and aunt who didn’t like my ‘frequent absences’ on the farm because I was busking, those dreams were my ambition to be greater than that. There was pretty much nothing that held me back from doing it.”  
   
“So why didn’t you decide to leave the circus to achieve your dreams further when you had the chances to do so?” Matthew questions him. “And don’t try to downplay yourself. I’ve literally seen how good you are at singing. Band leaders would’ve clamoured to have their hands on you. And I saw that one actually approached you and you said no to them for some reason. That man back in the city is one, isn’t he?”  
   
Chris sighs. He wraps his arms around Matthew, pulling him in close until their foreheads are touching.  
   
“Yes, he is one,” he answers. “But, I didn’t want to accept that offer because I have _you_ here. I’m not going to go away just because something that sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime comes up.”  
   
“But that is it, isn’t it?” Matthew tries to argue. “An opportunity of a lifetime to become a singer.”  
   
Chris smiles on as he answers Matthew. “I saw the opportunity of a lifetime to leave my farm life behind me when the circus came to Exeter, and in that choice that I took, I met you.”  
   
Now it’s Matthew’s turn to have his cheek turn red. “I feel like I should call you a fool for picking such a choice.”  
   
“I know you want me to pursue my dreams, and be happy to see that I’m doing what I love. But I already _am_ doing it,” Chris chuckles, nuzzling him. “I’m here to stay, Matthew. Besides, I’ve never heard of this guy before. Said his name is Mantovani and I barely even know if it’s worth the risk to jump over to his ship.”  
   
Matthew smirks. “Oh really? What if it had been Lew Stone? Or Jack Payne? Or Jack Hylton? Or Roy Fox? Or maybe Ray Noble himself?”  
   
Chris actually laughs at that. “I think you’re thinking too high of a bar there. I doubt that they would notice some busker on the street, let alone one that is in Reading singing.”  
   
“Don’t be that humble,” Matthew pulls Chris in for a kiss. “I’m so happy to have you in my life, but don’t ever think that you were never meant for the stage to perform.”  
   
They kiss for the second time, this time a longer one in duration to maintain a certain bond. When they pull away, Chris says this to the brunette.  
   
“I love you, Matthew.”  
   
Matthew feels his heart jump up to his throat, hearing Chris says those three words with such sincere honesty that is a part of him that he finds himself being only able to reply back in sincere honesty as well.  
   
“I love you too, Chris.” And he means it.  
   
Outside the workshop, an eavesdropping Will is smoking a cigarette with a grin on his face.  
 

 

\-----

   
Marvin had an excellent Christmas dinner with Matthew out in town. Everything is perfect, right down to the Christmas pudding and the mince pies. After supper, they return to the circus by taxi and he sits down on his favourite comfy armchair in his luxurious home, always positioned close to the wood-burning stove during the colder months.  
   
From the outside, he can hear muffled noises through the tent. No doubt that the rest of them are having their large Christmas dinner as well. Most likely they saved up enough to serve roast goose, maybe two if they’re lucky.  
   
Everything that has been today is so well that he… Well, he feels fine. He’s contemplating as he looks at the photo frames, containing pictures from the days past.  
   
The first one is himself in his younger years of an adult, standing side by side with another young man like two handsome chaps. That young man standing next to him is the reason how and why he jumpstarted his career as a great magician. The travelling circus could’ve been named Wolstenholme & Winthrop’s Travelling Circus, but Marvin concedes to himself that he joined the circus only months after it was formed.  
   
Then it's to the next frame, a picture of a young Christopher Wolstenholme, about seven or eight, smiling toothily to the camera while standing next to him. That bought a small grin to his lips.  
   
He's fond of Christopher, a chip off the old block from his father. His old friend was only forty when he left the world, too young to die at that age, leaving his son behind when he is only but a young adolescent.  
   
Still too young and inexperienced to take up the mantle of ringmaster and full ownership of the circus, Marvin saw to himself to act as guardian to the young Christopher. Even when his friend protested that on his death bed several times when they discussed about it, he knew that an inexperienced young man like Christopher would not make the travelling circus survive through its first year as its new leader.  
   
It’s frustrating to work with Christopher, however, as he grew up and found a lovely lady to be called his wife and learned to manage the circus fairly well. He saw it in the younger Wolstenholme’s face, yet he wasn’t the one who lived through several hardships before, much like his father and Marvin did, to understand that it can’t all be squandered on everything else.  
   
The recession that those Americans caused to themselves only made him see no choice but to keep the money in a tighter leash, and to stop all that nonsense to travel across the pond to perform there. Only until the recession starts to ease up, will the money be distributed in a fairer manner.  
   
Marvin's eyes set down on the last photo frame, of himself and Matthew, taken only about before he turned sixteen.  
   
He loves him, yet Matthew is young, while he is old. Someone will always try to take the young man away from him. The young man, Martin, would no doubt be mesmerised by Matthew. That time that he shoved the young assistant down will have given Martin doubts about getting close to his lover.  
   
It’s also exactly because he is young that he shows brashness and too much confidence that he can easily achieve fame. Matthew had been riding and learning on his tailcoats. But, no matter how harsh he can be towards him, he no doubt sees Matthew’s potential to earn a respected name for himself. He couldn’t deny that.  
   
Marvin is pulled out of the reverie when he hears a noise. Turning his head around, he sees Matthew frozen in where he stands, his face looking at him in fright.  
   
“Where are you going, Matthew?” he questions calmly.  
   
Marvin knows that his eyes are not as clear as it used to be, but his mind doesn’t fail to imagine that Matthew gulped his throat.  
   
“I-I’m going back to my tent. Feeling tired by this hour,” Matthew says.  
   
Marvin turns his head back to the small table where the photo frames are standing, silent before he replies to the younger man.  
   
“It’s cold outside,” Marvin says. He didn’t see the shock on Matthew’s face when he said that. “Take my overcoat to get back to your tent.”  
   
Matthew hesitates for a moment, before he says, “T-Thank you.”  
   
Marvin notes to himself as the brunette takes his coat and left his tent that Matthew needs to overcome his stuttering around him.  
   
In another point of view that Marvin is unaware of, Matthew leaves the tent as quick as possible, scared of whatever will happen to him if he stays any longer with Marvin. In that time spent with Marvin, he wanted no more than to go to Chris for his love and comfort. Right now, he is going there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the band leaders mentioned are historically real people and their information can be found in Wikipedia. Mantovani in particular is a touch of irony for me to pick as the one to give that offer to Chris for a reason. 
> 
> I also did some research on whether **hot chocolate** was affordable to the working class people in early 20th century or not. Turns out that it was chocolate bars and sweets that became affordable to a working class family before the drinking chocolate by the 1930's. Drinking chocolate was still marketed to the rich before the process to make hot chocolate became a quick and easy way to do it.
> 
> Also, the last part that is uniquely in Marvin's point of view. If you start to like him and then realised that that's a wrong feeling, then be very afraid that you get this feeling. What I wrote there is the mindset of an abusive person. I didn't a write a monster named Marvin Winthrop here, I wrote a human named Marvin Winthrop with a mindset that he is always right and justifies his actions with excuses as being the right of way, even if it means he will hurt and harm someone that he cares about. No matter how you think of it, Marvin was and is still an abusive man. That is why Matthew is scared to be around him.


End file.
